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The Terror of Al-Gebra

NATIONAL INSECURITY AGENCY

 

 

A public school teacher was arrested today at the John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.'

"They use secret code names," he added, "like 'X' and 'Y', and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.'

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is
believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

 

July 18, 2011

Conversation about this article

1: Hardeep Kaur (Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada), July 19, 2011, 11:31 AM.

Thanks for the laugh!

2: Devinder Singh (India), July 19, 2011, 10:55 PM.

An algebra of mind, a scheme of sense,/ A symbol language without depth or wings,/ A power to handle deftly outward things/ Are our scant earnings of intelligence./ How shall ascending nature near her goal?/ Not through man's stumbling tardy intellect/ Patient all forms and powers to dissect/ But by the surer vision of his soul.

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