Humour
Bota Singh's Job Application
by KENNETH WAY
WALMART JOB APPLICANT REVEALED ...
Herein below is an actual job application that this 75-year old submitted in California, U.S.A. It appears that, after getting fed up after a life-time of getting rejections - "You are over-qualified!" - "You do not have enough North-American experience!" - "We don't recognize foreign degrees!" - Sardar Bota Singh decided to use a fresh approach.
Rumours are that they hired him ... because he was funny!
JOB APPLICATION
NAME: Bota Singh (a.k.a. Grumpy old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice-President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 per annum plus stock options and a "golden parachute" style of severance package. If that is not possible, make an offer and we can negotiate.
EDUCATION: Yes.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 pm to 3:30 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more apppropriate question here would be - "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes , so they tell me.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy supermodel from Bhatinda who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Oh, yes, absolutely.
April 1, 2010
Conversation about this article
1: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), April 01, 2010, 9:47 AM.
Since you are in a humour mode, and this should please Bota Singh too .... here is adding to the humour fund: A retiree's tale: Yesterday I was at my local WalMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting on the Purina Diet plan - again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!
2: Irvinder Singh Babra (Brampton, Ontario, Canada), April 01, 2010, 10:32 AM.
Thank you, sikhchic.com, for the Bota Singh story which is full of comic energy, the energy which is going to rule ahead. These are times of self-assessment and defining yourself, and not to be outwitted or mesmerized by somebody who is from Harvard, Yale, Oxford, Cambridge, etc. I have seen some of their products selling hot dogs in Manhattan, whereas the new immigrants from Punjab driving some of the best cars in London, New York, Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco, Vancouver, Ottawa, Toronto, Brantford and Brampton! Time to create your own new self, body and mind, find your niche and prosper.