Humour
A Modest Proposal
To Improve Inflight Safety for Airline Passengers
by DAYA KAUR
A recent news item describes the terror experienced by the passengers and crew of an Air Canada flight from Sydney, Australia to Toronto, Canada.
"Passengers said that around 4 a.m., the plane suddenly dropped, throwing them up against the ceiling ...
'Lindsay Hamon, who was sitting in business class, said:
'There was about 15 minutes of really violent turbulence and anyone who wasn't strapped in was in trouble, and they took a number of passengers off at Hawaii. Some of them came back on. They had to stretcher maybe four out of the airplane,' he said."
A dozen passengers, it is reported, were injured when those unstrapped hit their heads on the ceiling of the aircraft. Some had to be hospitalized.
Very unfortunate. My heart goes out to them all, and I pray for their early recovery.
In the meantime, I wish to put forward a modest proposal.
Surely, it is time to pass a law requiring all airline passengers to wear a turban, at least during flight.
I mean, surely, any injuries caused by the bumps on the head - the most vulnerable part of the human body - could easily have been avoided by wearing the age-old, time-tested soft headgear already worn by millions around the world.
I do not want any misunderstanding. My interest in getting passengers in flight to wear turbans has no religious bearing whatsoever.
I merely see it as a safety issue and, in matters of safety, surely, there should be no compromises.
There is, of course, the question of cost and, of course, the already cash-strapped airlines cannot be expected to foot the bill.
In fact, my proposal will actually assist the airlines financially.
They're already charging the passengers a modest fee to cover the cost of blankets, pillows ... even meals!
So, why shy away from selling turbans en route?
A modest $10 cost per turban can only be considered a bargain, considering the incredible protection it offers.
[Please see the results from a plethora of National Safety studies done on the subject, showing that not a single turbanned Sikh, male or female, has ever suffered a head injury in such circumstances. Sikhs actually go through an entire lifetime of travel without compromising their otherwise high IQ scores!]
Moreover, turban colours are available in a wide variety, to ensure a match with any airline's colour scheme.
Furthermore, First Class and Business Class can be offered these turbans free, as part of their special privilege packages and even be graded to match the amount they've doled out for their tickets.
Thus, while the Economy Class will be protected by the simple but elegant Patiala turban, the Business Class can enjoy the 3HO style, which offers an added layer of security.
The First Class, of course, will be entitled to the Nihang model, which could even prove as ample protection in any situation, not just a bumpy ride through the clouds.
I've checked with the stalwarts at the SGPC - they have no objection, since all flights are already non-smoking.
So ... just a modest proposal. Always thinking of "sarbat da bhalla" - the good of all!
May 1, 2009
Conversation about this article
1: Anandpreet Singh (Chandigarh, Punjab), May 02, 2009, 12:00 AM.
Love it! Yes, sure ... let's all abide by these safety rules. I'm all for it. If it's for safety, who can say no? Right?
2: Sonu Singh (Calgary, Alberta, Canada), May 03, 2009, 10:35 AM.
Being a turbaned Sikh, I feel as if we're being made fun of by this article, especially by the different types of turbans for different airline classes. [Editor: That is certainly not the intent; nor its import. Moreover, we Sikhs in the diaspora need to win back our famous ability to laugh at ourselves. Life is too serious an affair to be taken too seriously!]
3: Chintan Singh (San Jose, California, U.S.A.), May 04, 2009, 5:26 PM.
Good one! I believe we should add motorcycle safety to this proposal. I have been trying to tell my non-Sikh colleagues who are avid motorcylce riders that what a great cushion the turban provides in case of a fall. I met with an accident about fifteen years ago back in India and yes, swear to God, my turban protected me from what could have been a huge head injury! Although my colleagues continue to defend their gear, but we all have a good laugh when I tell them my accident story. We do need some lightness and laughter if we want to break down barriers between communities.
4: Kanwal (Canada), June 10, 2009, 1:57 PM.
How can you offer such a hard-earned symbol of pride to anyone on a platter? Moreover, one has to be capable of at least understanding the values and responsibilities that come along with.