People
The Power of a Hug
by RABBI OR ROSE
A shiny red, mid-sized rental car pulled up to the curb and from it emerged a very tall, dark-skinned man with an off-white turban, long graying beard, and boyish smile. "Come my friend, let me help you with your bags. On a hot day like this, we can all use some help." With that, Dr. Tarunjit Singh Butalia whisked me off to the Kansas City airport.
I had come to the Midwest from my home in Boston to attend the annual NAIN (North American Interfaith Network) conference. Tarunjit, Vice President of this grassroots organization, and a leader in the international Sikh community, had graciously volunteered to return me to the airport.
A wise and warm person, Tarunjit gently engaged me in meaningful conversation as soon as I settled into the car. We had a wonderful time together discussing the similarities and differences between our faith traditions and the issues facing each of our minority communities in the United States. Though we had just met at the conference, we went deep quickly. Before I knew it, we had arrived at the Kansas City airport.
Tarunjit kindly stepped out of the car into the humid summer air to help me with my bags and to say goodbye. Before parting company, I thanked him for the ride and for the conversation and gave my new friend a big hug (I come from a family of huggers). With that, I headed for the check-in counter.
I didn't communicate with Tarunjit again for several months.
In December 2009, I traveled to Melbourne, Australia to speak at the Parliament of the World's Religions. One morning, as I walked through the crowded hallways of the conference center, I heard someone call my name. To my pleasant surprise, it was Tarunjit.
After briefly catching up, he invited me to attend a session he was going to be speaking at the following day. "I will be sharing the end of our Kansas City story," he said with a mischievous grin. "You don't know it yet, but I promise it is interesting."
Intrigued by Tarunjit's enigmatic description of the conclusion of "our" story, I arrived early for his session the next day. When it was Tarunjit's turn to present he spoke passionately about his work with NAIN and other interfaith projects and ended by telling our airport tale.
"As Or gave me a hug, I noticed that two baggage handlers standing nearby were watching us, looking curiously at our embrace. After returning my car to the rental facility I walked past the airport doors where I had left Or and saw the two men still standing there. They smiled at me and said hello, and I reciprocated. Then one of the men commented on how interesting it was to see a Jew and a Muslim hug in public (they correctly identified Or's yarmulke as a Jewish head covering, but were clearly confused by my turban). At that moment I did not feel it was important to correct the mix-up between a Muslim and a Sikh, so I let it slide. And then the other baggage handler remarked, 'You are living the future today!' I smiled and walked away; they had gotten it right after all."
As Tarunjit finished his story the audience applauded. I, of course, got up from my seat, jogged to the front of the room, and gave him a hug.
I have thought about this story several times since hearing it in Melbourne, reflecting on the great strides we have made in the interfaith movement in recent decades (could my German Jewish grandparents have ever imagined engaging in mutually enriching dialogue with Christians, Muslims, Buddhists and Sikhs?); the enormous amount of work that still needs to be done in interfaith education, reconciliation, and peace-building (including teaching people about the differences between Sikhism and Islam); and the wisdom and decency of Tarunjit (knowing when to push things and when to let them "slide") and so many other people I have met in my work in this field over the last several years.
As I reflect on this story in the days before Passover - the season during which Jews throughout the world celebrate the blessing and promise of freedom - I am reminded once again that the fate of my community is inextricably bound up in the fate of all others. In the words of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., "We are all tied together in a single garment of destiny." Recognizing the interconnection of all life, people of faith must come together to help create a more just and compassionate world.
And you never know what a hug can do!Conversation about this article
1: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), March 25, 2010, 10:05 AM.
Let me relate a chance encounter that I had with a Pakistani Brigadier (retd.) in November 2008. As a former Director of International Amateur Radio Union Region 3, I was invited to present a paper at the ITU conference in connection with Emergency Communication during times of disasters, man-made or otherwise. While flying to the venue of the conference in Alor Setar, a Pakistani gentleman came and shook hands with me and said "Pher mulakaat hoi gi" in chaste Punjabi. He was also going to the same conference. We hugged each other as long lost brothers, and since there were a lot of other participants, a bus had been arranged to take us to the hotel. We naturally sat together and launched on a rather boisterous Punjabi conversation that had to be loud enough for the whole world to listen. The girl who had come to receive us commented if we knew each other. I quipped that he was my long lost brother that had had been missing for some 20 years (because he was relatively younger), otherwise it would have been 60 years. From then on, we attached ourselves to each other for the next couple of days I was there. We ate together, and spent most of the time either in my room or in his and enjoyed chaste Punjabi and updated him on the choicest joke that only Punjabis can enjoy. It was such a memorable experience. He was rather amazed that I spoke and understood more dialects than he did. Since my laptop had the Guru Granth Sahib in the Urdu script also, and had some recorded kirtan too, I took the opportunity to read and play for him Sheikh Farid's saloks, and Kabir's "Awal Allah ik noor upaaya". In Malaysia, we have a lot of Punjabi Pakistanis who work in the supermarkets. As soon as they spot a turban, they run to meet you most affectionately. In my case, they are amazed that I speak the same dialect they do, if not better. Of course, I never fail to mention that I was born in Lyallpur ... unfortunately now renamed "Fazilabad". Sorry if I have been waffling a bit but I had to tell of the affectionate bear hugs that went beyond the boundaries of religion or nationalities.
2: Aryeh Leib (Israel), March 27, 2010, 3:09 PM.
Rabbi Or Rose, as a haredi Rav in Eretz Yisrael, I'm sending you a big, warm hug - and best wishes for Pesach!
3: Harpreet Singh (U.S.A.), March 30, 2010, 11:27 AM.
It reminds me of a Rabbi in Flushing, New York - Hon. Michael Weisser - who never misses a chance to sit down with interfaith members with mutual love and harmony. Rabbi Michael hosts two interfaith conventions in the Free Syangogue, where we Sikhs do kirtan, and Muslims, Christians and other faith groups also perform and sit together as one family under one roof. These are the beautiful people who have really understood Moses, Jesus, Nanak, Mohammad and hence started seeing One God in all! We have another Kirtan samagam lined up for April 18th 2010, Sunday 3 pm in the Free Syangogue of Flushing, 41-60 Kissena Blvd., Flushing, NY 11355, http://www.freesynagogue.org/location.shtml Please save the date and join us.