Daily Fix
How to Win Friends & Influence People:
As a Sikh Spokesperson
T. SHER SINGH
When Dale Carnegie first published his classic book on public relations 77 years ago, he gave it a carefully crafted title which captured the very heart and soul of his message: How to Win Friends and Influence People.
It was the “first best-selling self-help book ever published.” Not surprisingly, given its message, it ultimately sold 15 million copies.
The core of the message is: if you are in the game of getting others to become sympathetic to your cause, no matter what it is, then it involves skills which will enable you to win them over as friends first, and then have the opportunity to influence them.
To put it succinctly, then, the goal -- the purpose, the intent, the desired result -- of all advocacy and every PR (public relations) exercise is to win over the other.
If you’re a spokesperson for a Sikh group, institution or cause, or wannabe one, remember: winning the other over requires a number of essential elements in addition to the desire to bask in the limelight:
1 Being understood. In the language of the ‘listener‘. From start to finish, your communication -- that is, what you have to say -- should have no distractions or diversions. Such as language incongruencies: words or concepts that are dense, complicated, unexplained, irrelevant, or make no sense.
2 Being interesting. So that the listener remains engaged throughout your presentation. You have his full attention guaranteed for the first few seconds only. It is in the earliest moments that he decides whether he wants to keep on listening or paying attention to you. Once you lose him, there’s no pulling him back.
3 Being convincing. What you say has to be logical. It has to make sense. It has to ’hold water’. Your listener has ‘opened’ his mind to you for a brief period. Get to it before it closes again, and win his willingness to keep it open.
4 Being truthful. Which requires accuracy and integrity. You need to establish your credibility, and then protect it like dear life. The slightest bit of dishonesty, whether in word or deed or body language, will close his mind … and it will thereafter remain permanently impenetrable. You might as well have been working for your enemies.
5 Being respectful. Of the listener’s own beliefs and values. Of his intelligence. Of his time. Don’t insult him. Don’t be condescending. And don’t squander the few seconds, and then, hopefully, the few minutes, he has allotted to you, free and clear, in a token of goodwill. If you can’t state your case in 20 seconds with a microphone or camera staring you in the face, or within 5 minutes if you've been handed over the podium, you’re not the person to be doing it.
* * * * *
Each of these five elements is intertwined and the five are always in play. Four out of five, for example, won’t work. You neglect one, and you’ve lost the listener.
There is risk, always, of leaving the listener with a worse impression that he had before you opened your mouth. If that happens, getting him to listen to you the next time with an open mind will henceforth be twice as difficult.
Which means that first impressions are extremely important.
Which means: always come prepared, having done your homework. Thoroughly.
Tomorrow: walking through the language mine-field, step by step.
April 25, 2013
Conversation about this article
1: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), April 25, 2013, 9:31 AM.
Sher ji, you have brought back nostalgic memories. It was in 1949 when I first lay my hand on this book. Dale Carnegie had such an amazing skill with words that his non-fiction read like a novel. I had just joined Government College, Ludhiana where I would spend a considerable time in the library. The first book that held me spellbound was "Lincoln The Unknown", when I knew little about him except that he was born in a log cabin. I went on to devourer each and every book he wrote. He had such a skill to say even 'Go to Hell' in such a nice manner that one looked forward to the trip. I remember there was a case when a passenger, as soon as he got on the plane, started to make unreasonable demands of the air hostess who was extremely busy with pre-flight chores. Finally, he shouted at her and said that she was the worst air hostess he had ever come across. She very coolly responded: "Sir, you are the nicest passenger I've ever had. Surely it couldn't be possible that we both are wrong". It is safe to assume she had read Dale Carnegie's book.
2: Dya Singh (Melbourne, Australia), April 25, 2013, 7:03 PM.
...and if you can keep all Sikhs on your side, you can do it with any other community in the world!