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Roundtable

Food and Drink! ... For Thought
The Roundtable Open Forum # 75

by PAWANBIR SINGH

 

 

My job entails frequent travel for business meetings, especially within "mainstream" circles, and as a result, I meet quite a mix of people both within and outside my work during my journeys as well.

An interesting incident happened when I was flying to Toronto from Munich a few weeks ago which got me thinking.

The steward who was serving beverages, saw me and he smiled politiely. The next thing, in a very eager tone, he asked, “Mr. Singh, can I get you some Scotch?”

Obviously, he was pleased with himself that he was able to impress me by showing he already knew my choice. But when I declined by saying: “No, I will have a diet coke, with a slice of lemon”, I could see a sense of disappointment in his body language. Suddenly, I had taken away that sense of achievement from him.

He served me and moved ahead along the aisle. But the episode left me ruminating on the whys and wherefores of what had just transpired.

To tell the truth, similar exchanges have occurred frequently in the past as I run into people from different faiths and ethnicities  on a consistent basis. While meeting clients or colleagues over a meal or in a club, when I say no to alcohol, many immediately express surprise and come up with statements such as:

“I thought Sikhs drink like fish.”

“I can’t believe you are a Sikh and you don’t drink!”

“Are you kidding me?”

And the best one: “You are not a Sikh?”

It astonishes me that someone can summarily refute my faith, just because I said 'No' to alcohol. I will still enjoy a drink, though it will invariably be a fruit cocktail or maybe just sparkling water, and nonetheless have a very similar conversation irrespective of whatever I am drinking.

As time has elapsed, such recurrent comments that I receive, triggered by my articles of faith, do not faze me. Because, if I look at the brighter side, then at least these individuals can identify my faith, they can recognize I am a Sikh, which is a nice feeling in itself.

While it feels good to be instantly recognized for being part of a faith whose followers do not represent even half a percentage of the global population, what is disturbing is that this identity has now become associated by some to alcohol.

So, how and why has this happened?

Is it that we have failed to teach the world what we truly are?

Or is that we have failed ourselves in that so many amongst us have turned, contrary to our faith's values and principles, to use and misuse of alcohol? To the point that it has now become an identifying trait?

As a result of those who are weak or ignorant amongst us, many in the world no longer see us as a community that follows a faith and set of principles where alcohol has no role to play.

Our weddings have become famous for open bars, which is one reason most people outside the community get excited on getting an invite.

The Patiala Peg, a reference to a concoction a double shot of alcohol, instead of the normal 45ml serving, originated in the land of Punjab. The term is widely prevalent, and directly emanates from the decadent and self-indulgent lifestyle of Maharaja Bhupinder Singh of Patiala.

The Sikh Rehat expressly prohibits the use of alcohol, primarily due to its stupefying, addictive and incapacitating potential.

Nevertheless, the abuse of alcohol in our community has become broadly prevalent to the point of becoming an epidemic. It is associated with both the uneducated and the so-called 'sophisticated' Sikhs who have developed their own set of apologetics for the consumption.

In the end, we all have our own reasons. Personally, I don’t indulge because my Guru has asked this of me and I acknowledge it as his teaching, period. Observing his rehat is part of me, a part of my way of life and it represents one of the central tenets of my faith.

Unfortunately, the misuse of alcohol is not limited to Sikhs and Punjabis or their situation any worse than what we find in every community today. Alcohol consumption has become a global issue, identified as the worst threat to society in the present day - an addiction worse, in impact and magnitude, than any other drug, or even all other 'drugs' combined.

But, in our nyara identity, our trangressions make us stand out as clearly as our strengths and achievements.

Not an excuse. And not a consolation. Certainly not when it is actually destroying our community from within, starting from the  individuals involved, and their immediate families.

The unfortunate verbal exchange that I have described takes place, flusters me as it is typically with people who are both sophisticated and polite but have been given an errorneous and preconceived notion ... by us!. Both my faith and I are being intrinsically associated with alcohol!

At an individual level, I try and counter the misconception and the misinformation. But how do I counter the weight of the all-pervading, all-powerful image we have so carelessly created of ourselves?

The questions that leap up are:

Is enough being done in our community on this issue, and if the answer is no, is it meaningful to reflect within and contemplate how far our personal attitude is accountable for whatever has presumably gone wrong? If we have glorified our alcohol consumption to such an extent, will we be ever able to glorify our faith, the Sikh rehat, so that our individual identity is neither questioned nor mistaken, but is instead honoured and emulated?

Wish I had the answers!

 

ROUNDTABLE OPEN FORUM

As part of this week's discussion, I invite your thoughts comments on this issue.

 

 

[Pawanbir Singh is a clinical and management professional based in Manchester, United Kingdom. Originally trained as a medical doctor, he presently works in a boutique life-science firm. He also holds a Ph.D. in Biomedicine.] 

August 26, 2011

 

Conversation about this article

1: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), August 26, 2011, 5:01 PM.

Punjabi boys will be boys and Punjabi girls will be girls!... Alcohol has become an absolute requirement in many Punjabi homes because it is, inexplicably, a 'status symbol'. There is no serious attempt to deal with substance abuse in immigrant communities. So when some of them get wealthy, in their ignorance they feel they need to show off their wealth and the only way they seem to know how to is to appear to be merry ... via alcohol! Sadly, females are leading the way.

2: N .Singh (Canada), August 26, 2011, 6:34 PM.

As a woman, there were two main life changing events which led me to decide that I would not drink. The first moment came when I was starting university. I thought I had arrived in the big league - the first born and the first one in my family to go to a "British University"! It has been my grandfather's ambition that his children have a British education (it was considered the height of sophistication and achievement in his days - pre/post Independence). However, although he would have been considered reasonably well off, he was unable to afford the 'overseas' fees that that ambition would have entailed. Hence here I was creating a milestone for our family. Imagine my surprise when arriving at the University I realized that I really was a 'very small fish in a very big pond'. But I was anxious to fit in, to appear sophisticated and better off than the child of immigrant parents that I was. I believed that in order to do this, social drinking would be one answer. However two months into the academic year I still hadn't gone to the bar ... I was still undecided on the drink issue. I knew that it was socially unacceptable in Sikh society for a woman to drink but I wanted to be 'British'. As luck would have it, I was approached by a post-graduate student, a Sardar ... Ph.D. students in those days were considered 'gods' by 'freshmen' like myself. He asked me why I never went to the bar, never socialized with the other students. For some reason I decided to confide in him and tell him that I had never been to a bar in my life, was debating whether I should drink because I didn't want to appear as a 'pendu' if I didn't. His answer set the course of my life. He told me that I didn't need to drink alcohol in order to go to the bar and socialize with other students, that it was acceptable to be a teetotaler. He explained that social life was as important as academic life but not at the cost of one's values. He explained how he and the other Sardars (at the Ph.D. level) often socialized with professors and corporate executives when working on projects, and how they were also teetotalers ... no one thought any less of them. Slowly but surely I went to the bar, and there he was with the other Sardars. Then right in front of me he ordered a Coke, as did all the other Sardars and then I knew it was 'cool' not to drink. All this incidentally my parents had already told me but I really needed to hear it from someone other than them. I was young, impressionable and at the brink of adulthood and they (my parents) were old fashioned and way behind the times in my eyes (at least then but not now!). Strange how peer pressure can work in either direction ...

3: Gurjender Singh (Maryland, U.S.A.), August 26, 2011, 8:07 PM.

When I lived in Hardwar, India, no restaurant and hotel could sell liquor or meat, because it was declared a "holy" city. But unfortunately in Punjab, the state government of each party - Congress or Akali - has ensured there is a shop on every corner selling hard liquor. That is where these impressions emanate from. Even the S.G.P.C. plays a big and active role in perpetuating this problem.

4: H.S. Vachoa (U.S.A.), August 26, 2011, 8:28 PM.

We need to foster a culture of education and responsibility.

5: Tejinder (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada), August 26, 2011, 11:33 PM.

I remember years ago, our son - a Captain in the Indian Army and posted in far-flung areas - entrusted to us, his highly educated mother and uneducated father, the job of finding a suitable girl for arranged marriage. On his home-coming for annual holidays, we invited the parents of a very beautiful Sikh girl for an initial meeting at our house. The father of the girl, after talking to our son for an hour said,'Okay, young man, come to our house tomorrow evening for a drink'. Our son replied: 'Uncle, I will certainly visit you, but I don't drink.' On hearing this, the couple dropped the proposal immediately, for they rightly concluded that we were 'backward' people in their modern society.

6: Jesroshan Singh (Malaysia), August 27, 2011, 1:35 AM.

I too have experienced what you have described. I drink only once every 6 months or so. Today, I am going for an Indian Cultural Night and my friends were like - "You should come. Show us your alcoholic prowess." They claim that Sikhs can down a Black Label bottle just like that. I was like - "No, not this week. My quota for half the year was completed 2 weeks ago as I drank with my dad in a bar." Talking about the bar, when the waiters saw us, each scrambled to take our order, enthusiastically promoting all kinds of beer.

7: Harpreet Singh (Shillong / Bareilly, India), August 27, 2011, 11:34 AM.

"I thought Sikhs drink like fish." ... And the best one: "You are not a Sikh?" Is it that we have failed to teach the world what we Sikhs truly are? I shared the article with these comments on my facebook profile as I have to face this situation in my college many a times ... moreover those among us - yes, Sikhs! - who do drink then feel the need to propagate this message actively, explicitly and aggressively, that "Sikhs are drunkards". It makes them feel macho ... or something!

8: Harbans Lal (Dallas, Texas, U.S.A.), August 27, 2011, 12:05 PM.

I can re-write Pawanbir Singh's experience verbatim. I too traveled a lot and held administrative and executive positions. My experience with alcoholic drinks is the same as Pawnbir's. The hosts smirked in disbelief when told that Sikhs did not drink. Even in India, when I declined an alcoholic drink at a wedding or another party, the host smirked in disbelief. Only a few days ago, I was introduced to a public caucus in Dallas as a rare teetotaler Sikh. Everyone could tell what the M.C. meant. We hada similar experience with the kirpan. When I was honored with the sacred kirpan by various Sikh organizations in India, my wife was advised in private by more than one Sikh friend not to transport those kirpans to our home in U.S.A.. She was told that Sikhs were trigger happy with the kirpan and she would be safer without those in the home. It is sad but it is also a fact that we may be doing a lot of harm to our image by merely loose and senseless talk. On the other hand, there is a ray of hope. Our youth are taking up the challenge. My son asked that no alcohol be served at his wedding. Similarly, I have attended more than one Sikh wedding where alcohol was not served at the request of the marrying couples even though the parents were planning an open bar to celebrate their children getting married. Let us help our youth to take the lead.

9: Raj (Canada), August 27, 2011, 1:17 PM.

Many decades ago, on my way to Canada, I stayed in London for a couple of weeks. I was told by a so-called Sikh, in his 'pendu' Punjabi accent: "Thorree der thair ja, tain taan sabtak kukkad te whiskey di botal shakya karnee hai." I politely smiled with a mere look saying "Try me!" as I had already gone through peer pressure during my education years in Punjab's leading university. In Canada, I have ascended the through ranks to become a corporate level manager of a multinational. As you can imagine, I had gone through many golf-grounds, bar and boardroom meetings; not a single time, anyone has ever commented on my vegetarian and non-alcoholic preferences. Also, I don't preach either. Yet, I was told by a Sikh that they don't invite me to their parties because I don't drink and it makes others feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, I have very few Indian or Sikh friends. But, who needs them anyway?

10: Balde Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), August 27, 2011, 1:54 PM.

A very important Post Scrip - Guru Nanak says he is high day and night on something that "does not wear off like alcohol" ... the intoxication of Naam.

11: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), August 27, 2011, 2:23 PM.

In 1957, when I became the first Sikh to breach into a tightly controlled citadel as a professional planter, I soon found out that it was almost a religion with planters to be at the club for the sole purpose of getting drunk. My first-day encounter: "Come, Mr. Singh, have a drink." "Sorry, I don't drink, it is against my religion." "Okay, have a smoke." Said I: "No, that is also against my religion." "What about women?" My last word: "No, they also don't drink or smoke either." I think they found their match and, for the next 40 years, I wasn't bothered anymore and became famous/ notorious for other reasons.

12: Jodh Singh (Jericho,New York, U.S.A.), August 27, 2011, 6:30 PM.

Two years ago, while doing rounds in the Critical Care Unit, I heard Sukhmani Sahib being recited. I came across a Sardar patient in coma. Two women were sitting by hi, whhile a tape played the paatth. The elder lady told me that her son-in-law had left home after his morning nitnem and paatth. Two hours later, he was found in his store, unresponsive. The ambulance had brought him here. The records showed the young man had consumed alcohol and had a cardiac arrest. After resuscitation, he had been on a respirator and was being evaluated for his brain function. A week later, he was declared dead. I found out later that he was from our gurdwara. I have seen many Punjabis who were victims of alcoholism in my hospital during the past 40 years. My simple advice to my fellow Sikhs is: Do not consume alcohol. Alcohol is Cytotoxic: it kills cells (bricks) of the body from the top to the toes.

13: Inderjeet (Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.), August 27, 2011, 9:33 PM.

Sikhs have lost their way, they are caught up in the passive aggressiveness of hindu societal norms. Seva and simran, then daily physical exercise, complete absolute avoidance of alcohol! This will solve almost every problem our people have. Look at history, this is what we did and now we are still riding its coattails!

14: Prakash Singh Bagga (India), August 28, 2011, 10:14 AM.

Many Sikhs are living with the wrong notions that consumption of alcohol is a must for their survival in society. These lost souls are trapped in a situation from which they can find no escape. I don't know who can be blamed for this but I can certainly make an ardaas before SatGuru to guide our community towards the right path.

15: Gurbux Singh (Chatsworth, Los Angeles, U.S.A.), August 28, 2011, 1:33 PM.

I have to agree that Sikhs have become slaves to peer pressure and succumbed to alcohol and other intoxicants. I came to the U.S. 37+ years ago and still do not drink alcohol or partake in any other activity which is against Sikhi teachings. Of course, it is the so-called Sikhs, and not non-Sikhs, who call me out in gatherings that I am not a Sikh because Sikhs always drink Johnny Walker. When asked as to why I do not drink, I truthfully tell them that it is against my religion to drink alcohol and do not mention Sikhi at all. The situation with alcohol/ drugs is pandemic and I see people shamelessly compromise themselves. A few years ago, a well known raagi who came from India and was quite successful in accumulating cash donations, went back and ... yes, bought a liquor store. Go figure.

16: Daljit Singh (Surrey, British Columbia, Canada), August 28, 2011, 4:30 PM.

I believe most of us can relate to Pawanbir's story and various comments posted. Main thing that I have experienced is that it in the vast majority of cases, it is our own people - Sikhs/ Indians - who will put peer pressure to drink. I remember while doing engineering at U of C, I refrained from going to the Student Union's bar as I did not drink. However, it was some of my Caucasian friends who supported me by assuring me that many of them also did not drink. That initial experience I had has been bolstered during the last 30+ years I've been in Canada - indeed, you don't need alcohol to socialize, enjoy and/or to be with friends. The one that say 'you do' are not your friends.

17: Harpreet Singh (California, U.S.A.), August 30, 2011, 2:38 PM.

There are people (Sikhs) who drink and make it difficult for those who don't. It leads to events where it puts Sikhs like Pawanbir in awkward situations. But let's look above people and events. Let's look at why we have such an overwhelming number of Sikhs drinking. We can blame peer pressure or the Punjab government but the problem lies somewhere within the community, or dare I say, the panth! We have made Sikhi into a set of rules. We wear turbans, we don't drink, and so on ... Sikhi is not merely about rules. It is more. If it was just rules, people will choose to follow the looser set of rules. We need to understand and propagate why drinking is against the essence of Sikhi. "Munn" is always in constant thoughts and worry. "Munn" can be taken to a higher level through naam simran where thoughts and worries start disappearing ... or a local mental anaesthetic called alcohol can be applied to your "munn" to dispel thoughts and worries. Alcohol is pain relief in a bottle, really easy. We as a community have failed to instill the basic principles of Naam Juppna, Kirat Karni and Wund Chhakna. If we lived upto Guru Nanak's principles, we wouldn't have to "teach" the world anything. Let's focus less on urbanizing, marketing and socializing Sikhi. As good as cyber media is, nothing comes close to instilling Guru Nanak's principles through sangat.

18: Jas (Pennsylvania, U.S.A.), August 30, 2011, 2:43 PM.

I can relate to many of the collegiate experiences noted above. As a Sardar underclassman attending Penn State University, which has continuously topped the nations best party-school list, I knew I was bound to encounter the alcohol question at some point. But what surprised me the most was when a Gujarati classmate stated to me "authoritatively" that "Drinking is a religious belief or requirement of Sikhism." He had come to this conclusion after witnessing many of the Sikh students getting drunk with their fellow classmates. To this day, I wonder how many people have this impression.

19: Maj. Gen. Surjit Singh (Chandigarh; Punjab), August 31, 2011, 2:05 AM.

Our father was a fully observant Khalsa. Liquor was taboo in our house. Drinking was considered a sin. At the age of sixteen, I joined the army, where 25% of the officers were Sikhs, but a majority of them drank, some were heavy drinkers. I spent the first few years in a serious dilemma, not knowing which way to go. My mentor in life taught me the middle path. He introduced me to his friends all of whom were in their forties. Many of them drank, and had never exceeded their bounds. The dictum he followed was: "Drinking is not a sin. Getting drunk is." I turned seventy last month.I find that moderate drinkers are as healthy as the teetotalers. And their human qualities and personality traits are not impaired by their drinking habits. In fact they are less rigid, and easier to get along with. At the end of the day, I do not regret the decision of choosing the middle path; on this issue as in all other spheres of life.

20: Harpreet Singh (Delhi, India), August 31, 2011, 8:56 AM.

I do agree that one should drink moderately. However, all the big drunkards definitely started with little, moderate pegs. It is best to stay away from these things, because the risk in tackling alcohol is unacceptably high.

21: Harpreet Singh (Delhi, India), August 31, 2011, 12:05 PM.

Sorry, I do not agree that one should drink ... moderately or otherwise. That's a cop out.

22: Harpreet Singh (California, U.S.A.), August 31, 2011, 1:11 PM.

"I find that moderate drinkers are as healthy as the teetotalers." I don't think physical health impact in the short term - or immediate gratification - is the issue. Alcohol in small quantities is a medicine and so is marijuana. In fact, Nihang Singhs in the past used Sukh Nidhaan (marijuana) as a medicine ... later to be distorted, just like mainstream use of alcohol, as a possible staple! We know there is a rule in Sikh Rehat Maryada but we fail to understand why the rule exists. Rules and discipline of a school exist to make learning easier. Rules don't exist just for their own sake. If we merely look at the rules and forget the academic value, we are bound to break the rule of the school at some point. "In fact they are less rigid, and easier to get along with." This is very true. We all face this situation in social settings all the time but the path of Guru is not easy. We can choose to follow the Guru's path or the path of Sikh Kings like Maharaja Runjit Singh or the Kings of Patiala. The decision is entirely personal. The point is that alcohol (or drugs) should not be used to alter the mental state or your consciousness/ faculties. Alcohol takes your mental plane lower (animal like state) where you lose sight of the past temporarily and lose foresight. The other path is Naam Simran which takes your "munn" to a higher state. If any learned Gurmukh can write an article on "Naam Khumari" it will be really helpful for an ordinary mortal like me. Any Gurmukh willing to show the path to a poor soul?

23: Amrit Singh (Bayside, New York, U.S.A.), September 01, 2011, 3:40 PM.

Good article. At first I was shy to express my viewpoint on this site but after seeing so many people posting their comments I got encouraged to post my comment. Here is what I think: that it is one's responsibility to act in a certain manner. Also, it is a private matter what one eats or drinks in the privacy of their homes. But at the same time there is a moral and ethical responsibility we as individuals carry on our heads. Sometimes an action of a few people from a certain community can bring fame or shame to that community. I wish to share a personal story relating to that. When I was in college, there was a Sikh girl who had told me that when she was younger her dad used to come home drunk everyday and he used to beat her mother when he was drunk; then one day her dad died of excessive drinking but in the long run the Sikh girl has developed a deep hatred in her heart towards turbaned Sikh men and she has said that she will marry any man but not a turbaned Sikh man as she had witnessed her turbaned Sikh father beating her mother when she was younger. So therefore, what one individual does, it does reflect upon the entire community at large. I have seen many Sikh households being torn apart because of alcohol. So, as a community, we need to address this issue and educate our own people against the evils of drugs and alcohol.

24: Amrit Singh (Woodhaven, New York, U.S.A.), September 01, 2011, 6:24 PM.

This article is very thought provoking - it makes us see things from a different viewpoint. I must say that alcohol abuse alone has destroyed so many households, my advice to the Sikhs is try your best to avoid alcohol and drugs.

25: Pawanbir Singh (Manchester , United Kingdom), September 02, 2011, 7:06 AM.

I would really want to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts on this topic and, to be honest, I am quite overwhelmed with so many of my brothers and sisters coming forth and conveying their individual experiences, similar kind of exchanges and a few anecdotes. I basically started writing my experience in some sort of a damage control mode. I was looking for answers from the outside. However, after reading the comments, I feel we are prepared and willing to confront such awkward situations and also are educating the wider society about our beliefs and faith at some level, either individually or collectively. So let's keep treading the path and on our way encourage an environment of accountability and education.

26: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), September 04, 2011, 3:20 PM.

The Punjabi "macho" male is a force to be reckoned with. To his mother: he is without fault, he doesn't mess with girls, he's going to marry a 'good' girl from back home, but he can drink with the boys because his dad did and no one could stop him. It was all he knew and did after a week of work and an unhappy, loveless marriage to a good girl from back home ... and so the cycle continues ...

27: Jabril Mohammad (Georgia, U.S.A.), September 04, 2011, 11:44 PM.

I'm an American Muslim. Upon accepting Islam I learned the Prophet (saws) once said that intoxicants (drugs and alcohol) take you (your mind) away from the remembrance of God (dhikr, Naam Simran). That's all it took for me to renounce strong drink. The U.S.A. seems to have embraced alcohol; one cannot get away from pubs, restaurants, stores, adverts - all pushing alcoholic drink in the most flattering way. Business cannot be conducted but over drinks, it is made to appear. Alcohol numbs the mind from right and wrong, thus causing disruption within the family and also within the community. It's all too common for one to "drown their sorrows" or "relax" with alcohol. It allows one to accept the difficulties of life, (a bad job, a difficult marriage, governmental oppression) and quells the motivation to take action to remedy it. It's not difficult to say no. Peer pressure is an excuse. Within a group of friends, you may be the only voice that encourages others to also abstain. "phahe kate mite gavan fatih bhai mani jit" - Salaams.

28: Sukhdev Singh Shergill (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), September 06, 2011, 5:58 AM.

Does Guru Granth Sahib state that one should not drink liquor? Christian and Muslim clergies have used their messiahs and scriptures to enforce what the clergies deem fit upon its flock! Are we guilty of the same! Many other religions or their custodians tend to micro manage humans. From what they can consume, to how it should be cooked, how it should be slaugtered, etc. Some even prescribe to its adherents which foot to put forward first when stepping into a toilet and which foot to put forward first when stepping out! I believe what to consume or not to consume is a personal choice. This choice is made as per a person's awareness both scientifically, socially and spiritually. Doesn't Sikhi give us the freedom of choice? Doesn't Sikhism strongly advocate human rights? Freedom of choice includes a person's right to mess up his life.

29: Prakash Singh Bagga (India), September 06, 2011, 11:54 AM.

There are very strong messages in gurbani against drinking liquor. Unfortunately we overlook them and keep on pretending as if nothing has been said. For example, in gurbani, anyone consuming liquor has even been equated to a prostitute.

30: Navjot Kaur (United States), December 17, 2011, 1:22 PM.

I liked the viewpoints on this forum. I strongly believe that consuming liquor is based upon the exposure through the extended family and what an individual's personal preferences are. There will always be the pressure from society, but one has to make the right choices.

31: Navninder Singh (India), April 10, 2012, 8:22 AM.

Can't agree more on this issue. It has really turned as an evil in society where largely everything revolves around cocktail parties in the so-called sophisticated world. However, on the other hand, the poor or uneducated - following the example of the affluent and educated but equally ignorant - get into the vicious cycle of drinking and poverty. Being a Sikh, it's really shameful and alarming for me when people are surprised that you do not consume alcohol. Really something to act upon by our community as a whole - starting with each one of us!

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The Roundtable Open Forum # 75"









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