Columnists
The Finger Waggers, Part II:
Janam Da Firangee,
Sikhi Main Mangee
FATEHPAL SINGH TARNEY
I have been motivated to write this as a sequel to my earlier column on this subject, by the response I have received from readers. It is evident that other Sikhs are equally concerned with this issue of impoliteness by some at our gurdwaras.
It is clear that we can distinguish between compassionate education and harsh and cruel criticism of people violating gurdwara protocol – whether they be fellow Sikhs or non-Sikh visitors.
One person wrote about how karrah parshad should be properly served. I, too, have trouble, for example, when it is given out to a person as though it were a clump of clay thrown on a potter’s wheel.
I therefore call for a twofold approach to addressing the issue of impolite behaviour:
1 Urge people not to merely stand by, but get involved in both protecting people who are treated badly, whether they are first time guests at a gurdwara or regular attendees, while diplomatically educating them of proper protocol.
2 Encourage people who do get involved to deal in a diplomatic way with the perpetrators of rudeness. Let us try to instruct them as to how a true gurmukh would handle a breach of protocol and etiquette.
Allow me to provide an additional example of something that concerns me beyond the examples in my initial column. In my almost 40 years of attending diwans, I have observed about half a dozen instances of Sikhs entering a diwan hall to do ‘mathha tekna’ without a head covering.
Who can say, sometimes it may be an innocent omission that may have been the result of a person preoccupied with, or distracted by a serious personal problem, for example. In half of these instances, another person has gone up to them and gently tapped them on the shoulder or arm, smiled at them, and pointed to their uncovered head. They immediately realized their oversight and departed and returned with a head covering.
Problem solved!
However, in the other half of these instances, people have raised their voices and scolded these individuals in a very nasty way in the very presence of The Guru about their uncovered heads.
In my view, they have committed the bigger infraction.
There is an expression in business in the West, which I know has many Eastern equivalents: “Bait and Switch.” This, of course, refers to a business promising one kind of product, but delivering something quite inferior. I would hope that our gurdwara architecture, namely our four doors welcoming all, regardless of caste, race, ethnicity, religion or any other differentiation, is in no way comparable to ‘bait and switch.’
In other words, God forbid that we say we welcome everyone, but some people undermine that welcome by their insensitive behavior – their finger-wagging.
Having taught high school freshmen throughout my career, I was deeply moved by a young Sikh girl from northern California, Kiran Kaur, a high school freshman and an artist who, in a video clip, did a painting whilst discussing Guru Nanak’s words, ‘Nirbau, Nirvair‘ -- Without Fear, Without Enmity!
She spoke of not being afraid to tell someone they are wrong when they “badmouth” someone else. I like her insight very much. There is a tactful way of telling that person they are wrong.
Making mistakes is human and human is what we all are!
February 18, 2015
Conversation about this article
1: Harsaran Singh (Indonesia), February 18, 2015, 9:34 AM.
Agree with your views, Fatehpal Singh ji. I think that if we are genuinely concerned about the upkeep of maryada in the gurdwara, then we need to have patience with these seemingly unintentional "offenders". We should be polite and cheerful to let them know that, like everybody else, they need to follow certain regulations within the gurudwara. As for the rude, nasty and bad mouthing sevadars standing in nooks and corners of every big gurdwara, I am at a loss to understand what can be done about them. Any suggestions from fellow readers?
2: Ajit Singh Batra (Pennsville, New Jersey, USA), February 18, 2015, 2:41 PM.
Those who manage the gurdwaras, especially in the diaspora (President, secretary and others) do not recognize themselves as sevadars even within the gurdwara precincts. They are loaded with evils of pride, attachment and greed. It is basically their duty to show to the sangat the right code of conduct and how they should behave towards fellow beings, which includes newcomers or first time 'attendees'. The managements should be God-conscious because Waheguru is present in the innermost being of all. Service of Waheguru is in fact service of the sangat.
3: Harmohinder Singh Lamba (Johannesburg, South Africa), February 18, 2015, 2:54 PM.
I am a part our gurdwara management committee. I like to share our experience of such cases. Our gurdwara was started about about 8 years ago when the Sikh population here was just a few families. Today, there are hardly 30 families or so. The weekly diwan is held on every Sunday and the number of sangat ranges between 200 to 300. The majority of them are non-Sikhs who come from all parts of India and are unaware of maryada because most of them have been to a gurdwara for the first time in their lives in Johannesburg. Initially, we reached people on a one-to-one basis and educated them very politely about maryada and they appreciated and followed. As the numbers of such attendees is ever increasing, we have started giving a lecture once a month on the significance and importance of mathha tekna, covering the head, the dress code and listening to kirtan, ardaas and hukamnama with respect. Some of them are so fascinated by the universal brotherhood that they are regular visitors and perform several types of seva. When we see the bouquet of humanity, we draw a great amount of satisfaction that we are successful in spreading the message of Guru Baba Nanak. We do not have any barchhewala (security) sevadars here. We are all professionals from different disciplines and consider ourselves as humble servants of Sikhi.