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A New York Tragedy

by GURMEET KAUR


 

I feel empty reading this piece of news.

Police negligence, community apathy, or American dream shattered ... ? I don't know what to make of it.

I want to stash away this piece of news trying to convince myself that it is Hukam (the Divine Will), but I couldn't sleep the night. More than the misfortune the family suffers, what haunts me is the question:

How can we call ourselves a successful community when we fail miserably in looking after our misfortunate ones?

On a February 21, 2010, some half a dozen police shots perforated the 32 year-old mentally-ill Satnam Singh's perfectly able body in his Bronx home in the presence of his mother, Balbir Kaur.

He had suffered an episode of an anxiety attack; in a fit, he had turned against his mother and hit her with a frying pan.

The Police say that they were checking on the family at the behest of Balbir Kaur's younger son who was concerned over not having heard from his mother for hours. They arrived ... and shot Satnam dead.

Nobody in the community had a clue of this tragic event until many days later.

The unconscious mother was hospitalized by the police. She would suffer alone for days; both from a fractured skull and confusion over what transpired that night - without a loved one or a friend to hold her hand, share her grief or help her through the events of that tragic night.

There was no one to claim the body of her son, Satnam Singh, either.

Her younger son, Lakhvinder, happened to be in a New York hospital undergoing treatment for his own condition, at the time. He called his mother every day to check on her. He had called her that evening too. She was busy at the moment, but promised to call him right back. Hours passed and she wouldn't answer the phone. Then, he had called the police.

Balbir Kaur's husband, Bahadar Singh, was travelling to tend  to a family emergency in Punjab at the time.

As Bahadar Singh was notified of the mishap, he sought help. With some luck, he was able to get in touch with Karamjit Singh of the Malwa Brothers Organization, well known for its community presence in the New York area. They approached the police, and tracked down Balbir Kaur in the hospital.

Days later, when the community members went to see her, she was still fading in and out of consciousness. As she gathered herself, she asked them only of her sons and to take food for them. She had no clue that her world had been shattered. They could not dare to inform her of the tragedy.

To identify Satnam's body, the younger brother Lakhvinder was brought from the hospital. Much like his elder brother, the city hospitals were also Lakhvinder's second home. But unlike his brother, Lakvinder was disabled in his arms and legs.

It was sometime before they were to immigrate to the U.S.A. three years ago that Lakhvinder had a motorcycle accident. When the older brother, Satnam, rushed him to the emergency services in Ludhiana, hours away from their village in Moga, doctors declared that they would not be able to save young Lakhvinder. The psychological trauma was unbearable for the big brother. Satnam had a nervous breakdown and would live with post traumatic stress disorder from then on.

He was depressed most of time and would not communicate for days. He also had anxiety attacks every now and then.

Lakhvinder's life was eventually saved but his arms and legs were rendered useless.

Lakhvinder now sat alone on his wheel chair, looking over the dead body of the big brother who lost it all while trying to save him ... wailing ....without any loved ones to comfort him.

Balbir Kaur hadn't given up after her two sons had become handicapped in Punjab.

To reunite with her husband who had immigrated to the U.S. for a better life in 2001, and in the hope for better treatment for their two sons here, Balbir Kaur somehow managed to fly them across the oceans.

In 2007, with a dream in her eyes and two disabled sons by her side, as she flew into the JFK airport, her husband was not there to receive them. While the family was waiting to see him after a long gap, seeking much needed comfort in his arms, Bahadar Singh  was facing yet another wretchedness of fate on  his own.

He was undergoing an amputation of his feet following gangrene infections.

One after another, in a matter of months, she saw the three men she loved dearly become disabled.Yet, she did not give up. Balbir Kaur became the sole bread winner of the family. She would do odd jobs and care for the three disabled men. They were her life. There was no time for anything else, including a community life. They had no friends. With good medical care, Lakhvinder had regained some movements in his arms. With the right medication, Satnam had better days too.

Until the cold Sunday of February, when the ultimate misfortune was to strike the family.

On that fateful day, Satnam had had an anxiety attack which apparently was not unusual for him - not in control of his senses, he repeatedly hit his mother. When the police got the building supervisor to open the locked door, they saw him holding the frying pan over his mother, who sat bloodied on the couch.

The rest is the sad destiny of a sick immigrant who could not explain himself or his sickness to the four NYPD cops who, in their minds, were trying to protect the mother.

They asked him to drop the pan.

He was in a world of his own, and did not respond.

They shot him first in his legs and kept on going until he let go of the pan ... of his anxiety ... of life!

Three weeks later, on March 14, with the help of the organization, Bahadar Singh made it back to NY and Satnam was cremated. The last rites took place on March 21 at the Gurdwara Sikh Cultural Society, New York. 

As I read and investigated this story last night in my home far away, I couldn't help but stare into the darkness, thinking of the emptiness of our success as a community, and of the claim to be a caring and serving brotherhood.

The questions wouldn't go away.

Is the measure of our success as a community in the collective wealth we have created, the positions we hold? The beautiful gurdwaras we have built? The number of turbans and duppattas in the Vaisakhi Day parade?

The local Punjabi language newspaper reports that since no one in the community knew the family, their suffering for years, including the latest episode, were unknown to anybody in Sikh circles.

I somehow find it impossible to believe that the unfortunate family would never have visited any gurdwara the whole time they were there.

Why did anybody not befriend them? Why was a support system not extended to them? Why was a newly migrant woman left to fend and care for her family of 3 disabled men on her own?

Gurdwaras in New York have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and uncountable hours in elections, smearing campaigns and court cases. Weren't there any resources or time for this immigrant family in need?

Yes, there is a possibility that the family felt inadequate and embarrassed to visit the gurdwara to seek help.

But doesn't that too say something about us as a community?

I usually end my writings with a positive note ... some answers ... solutions.

I have only questions today.

 

You can contact the Malwa Brothers Organization at 1.917.502.1414 or 1.516.225.5445 to assist them with the tasks of detailed investigation and support of Balbir Kaur's family, that they have undertaken.  An attorney has been contacted to look into NYPD's role. The investigation into the shooting will bring to light whether or not the police handled the situation poorly. At the same time, it is imperative that the Sikh community hold their own investigation as to why the needs of families like this go unattended. 

March 27, 2010

[This article was written with assistance of the Sher-e-Punjab newspaper]

 

 

Conversation about this article

1: J. Kaur (Canada), March 27, 2010, 11:15 AM.

This is a very sad story and I am deeply saddened to hear it! It reminds me of a very similar story in Canada when a distressed and anxiety filled Polish immigrant was tasered to death by the Canadian police. Unable to speak English and suffering from anxiety, he was stuck in immigration control looking for his mother who was waiting outside. Several hours passed, he became agitated and the police over-reacted and attacked him. The whole thing was captured on camera and the police then went on in the police inquiry to deny the course of events ... despite film evidence! [The policemen was later found to be guilty.] It was tragic and heart wrenching because I knew it could have easily been any immigrant including a Sikh!

2: Jodh Singh (Cheshire, England), March 27, 2010, 2:57 PM.

An amazingly distressing tale and one I feel is a tragedy for the panth. However, mental illness and physical disability are the elephants in the room. No one wishes to discuss these issues and they are often swept under the rug. We tend to look upon both as karma and the results of actions in past lives and wash our hands of families who have to deal with such issues. When will we learn? One last point: I salute Sardarni Balbir Kaur as a true Kaur and hope she recovers to continue her life with the dignity and integrity she possesses.

3: Brijinder Singh (New York City, U.S.A.), March 27, 2010, 4:33 PM.

This is a very sad story. There is a very large Sikh community in New York, and it is perplexing as to why the family didn't reach out to anyone. Whatever their personal reasons for not doing so might have been, it is heartbreaking how much misfortune this family has encountered. My father, uncle and grandfather are all members of the Malwa Brothers Organization, and we are all with them in this time of need.

4: Amarjit Duggal (Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A.), March 27, 2010, 6:41 PM.

A sad story. With what's happening, with the result of hard economic conditions in the country, few people have time for one another. Families are falling apart, and so are communities. Yes, the community and the welfare organizations such as our gurdwaras need to be more concerned than ever before. To my surprise, I have not heard of any gurdwara openly offering assistance to even educate people about the economic difficulties, what to talk about having a program in place. It is a shame. As far police is concerned, a few of them want to get a bravery medal, and they will do nasty stuff. In this case, it seems to be over-kill. I think the New York sangat should demand a inquiry in this case to protect citizens, to prevent any such incident to take place in the future.

5: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), March 27, 2010, 7:25 PM.

Gurmeet ji, your distressed, heart rending response to an avoidable tragedy would not have happened if the affluent Sikh community had looked beyond the weekly rituals, and a smug feeling that all was well by simply closing their eyes, and only come out of stupor to pat themselves that their gurdwara building was better or served a better 'langar'. Perhaps we may need a re-learning process from some other faiths who look after their flock more humanly. But, we do have an example of selfless service in Bhagat Puran Singh who started a one-man brigade in the Guru's service. I hope this clarion call serves as a 'wake up bugle'. Gurmeet, keep tugging ... we may yet come out of this illusion.

6: Amardeep (U.S.A.), March 27, 2010, 9:46 PM.

This is my humble idea: Each gurdwara should have a 'help needed' drop box, where families/ individuals can drop their request for help (if no manager is on site, etc.) The gurdwaras should maintain an e-mail list of volunteers (collected after announcing in the gurdwara, whoever comes forward to be on this e-mail list of volunteers). Then, each time the gurdwara receives any requests (if they are unable to help), they should send an e-mail notification to all volunteers about the type of help needed. This way, hopefully, we have all different kinds of Guru's Sikhs with different interests and skills taking care of jobs. This is a sort of 'volunteer matching program'. If a granthi and the family in question are both introvert, yes, one can go to the gurdwara for years and no one would come and talk to you. I have seen this happening. It is time that we should start getting e-mails from our local gurdwaras with respect to their activities.

7: Kulbir Singh (Sydney, Australia), March 28, 2010, 5:11 AM.

Dear Gurmeet, the opening words of your story, "Police negligence, community apathy ..." tell the gist of this whole story. We can learn several lessons from this. Hopefully we, as a Sikh community, and as Sikhs, will learn from this very sad story.

8: Taran (London, England), March 28, 2010, 5:19 AM.

In our culture and in our community, we tend to put dirt under the carpet. We only want to be known as the panth of martyrs and bravehearts. We need to deal with issues such as female foeticide, dowry, drugs, mental illnesses or any other socio-economic issues as well. Look at the Jewish community. I have seen they always give preferences to their own brethren and look after each other. Whereas our so-called Sardars are always sucking each other's blood. I blame it entirely on the Sikh bodies. All about religion and nothing about addressing the real issues. Religion is made for human mankind, and not vice versa. May Akal Purakh give all the jathedars some good sense.

9: Kamal Kaur (Canada), March 28, 2010, 7:32 AM.

Dear Gurmeet ji: this situation is heartbreaking. As a mother and woman, this is the ultimate tragedy. We as a Sikh community have failed this family. But unfortunately, I wish I could say that this was an isolated event. This is only the tip of the iceberg. In our community, countless people are suffering through medical illnesses, elder- and wife abuse. I find that people who need help cannot get it because we have no systems in place. People who are in charge of the gurdwaras are only there to advance their own cause. One gurdwara president even said that gurdwaras are private institutions. As long as gurdwaras and other organizations continue to compete to be bigger, many people will suffer in silence. These gurdwaras will sponsor TV and radio programs, and take out full-page ads in newspapers advertising their gurdwara but are unwilling to spend a penny on any worthwhile cause such as helping people or educating the community or even helping our young people. Teaching Punjabi on Saturday and Sunday at the gurdwara is not enough. We need to look out for people's health and well being.

10: K.P. Singh (Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.A.), March 29, 2010, 1:24 PM.

Thank you for sharing your article. Such unfortunate tragedies should send a jolt through the Sikh-American community and our religious and cultural organizations to see whether we are focused on the well-being of our fellow citizens or in the pursuit of issues in our gurdwaras and community centers that ignore the real challenges of Sikh-Americans. I do not have an answer to this problem. Along with you and countless others across this land, I pray that we see in this and other similar tragedies the need to reexamine our priorities and our safety as a community. I have always believed in, and Indianapolis leaders are vigorously pursuing, the idea of civic education and engagement at many levels and in many forums as an important commitment for immigrant communities to create a network of support in and outside their own communities. This effort becomes all the more significant when we face unexpected challenges as described in your article. I extend my deepest sympathy to the family of Bahadar Singh and all others affected by this grave and unfortunate tragedy. I am sharing this email with the leadership of the central Indiana Sikh-American community.

11: Steve Johal (Canada), March 29, 2010, 8:53 PM.

This is such a sad story. We really need to focus on Balbir Kaur. She has gone through a lot in her life and as the Sikh community, we should be raising funds for her. I don't think anybody could argue with this. We spend endless money on things of no importance, what could be more important than helping a mother in need.

12: Gurmeet Kaur (Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A.), March 30, 2010, 9:31 AM.

I realize that we are quick to point out that our gurdwaras need reform and rightly so, but we largely miss the point on personal responsibility. After all, we individuals make the sangat and sometimes the management of the gurdwaras. We need a more thorough introspection on where our priorities lie today. We need to re-define our completeness in Sikhi in terms of the most valued virtue of Sikhi - Compassion! In terms of the hands we hold in misery and in failure, in loneliness and in sickness,in the tears we wipe, when nobody is watching or covering the event for a press release or media. Each one of has the power and responsibility to make the lives of those around us better. We need to exercise it. It starts from reaching out and making people comfortable in their skin, as they are. If I were Balbir Kaur, I wouldn't reach out to the gurdwara management for help. But I sure would accept a hand of friendship.

13: Devinder Pal Singh (Delhi, India), March 31, 2010, 7:36 AM.

This is a very heart rending story. I admire the strength of Sardarni Balbir Kaur ji as she dutifully stood as a pillar for the family. This role is more associated with the males of the family but her courage is exemplary. I'm sure many a lion-heart would have wilted under similar circumstances. Now for the role of the society as a whole and the governing bodies of our religious hermitages, I will put things frankly and without mincing words: the leaders or our institutions and bodies have had amidst them the unparalleled example of Bhagat Puran Singh ji, his motivating strength had mobilized the youth in Punjab to carry out his task of providing shelter and service to the needy and to the community. Alas, in my interaction with those who are members of these governing bodies, I have not come across a soul that thinks for the better of the Sikh Society, or care for the underprivileged. Most of them believe in standing to serve at the first opportunity those who yield power in these bodies. I believe, apart from decorating gurdwaras with marble or hosting divans, the gurdwara management cannot think of any other thing aggressively. In Delhi, there is a hospital being built with gurdwara Funds, but only the governing body knows the plans and when it would be available and fully functional for the common man. It is tragic that when we have the means, we still look somewhere else to uplift our society. Perhaps this article would invoke a lot of introspection amongst us, so that we come together under the Guru's edict and serve better society and mankind. Let's strive to have a system where we do not need endorsements of those who hold the power entrusted to them by franchise, but instead the system itself reaches out to help comfort the lives of individuals, families of the Sikhs and mankind in general. It's time that these bodies are made accountable and the Sikh brotherhood endorses, rewards and plans for the better of its future. The principles of seva should rule while those seeking short-lived glory should be shunned.

14: Moninder Kaur (Dunwoody, U.S.A.), April 02, 2010, 2:53 PM.

All the comments are to the point and right. There is a need of individual help like, "What can I do for you." "How can I help you?" Sikh women have always been women of courage and they will never wilt. Bibi Balbir Kaur did what she was supposed to do. We should not play the blame game on gurdwaras or leaders, we all should learn the lesson from this tragedy to help our brothers and sisters in need.

15: Baltej Singh Brar (New Hyde Park, New York, U.S.A.), April 06, 2010, 9:21 AM.

The Malwa Brothers Association have helped this family during the worst time of their life. The association raised more than $20,000 to help them. Yesterday, they also broadcast a special program on Mudda Punjabi TV show with the family itself. A plea was made for help for them; many calls were received from people offering large funds. For more info on this Association, or to help, please go to facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=52461689166&ref=ts#!/pages/New-York/Malwa-Brothers-Association-of-USA/112372618773717

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