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New State-of-the-Art Airport Security

NEWS REPORT

 

 

A new state-of-the-art solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at airports, has been developed by a scientist in India. Apparently, it was purchased by the Americans during President Obama's recent trade-generating visit to the sub-continent.

Undisclosed sources have disclosed that the new gadget is to be employed by Homeland Security in all the major airports in time for the Christmas rush, and is bound to alleviate a lot of the griping and delays that have become the norm in airports around the world.

Sources say that it consists of a booth you can step into that will not x-ray you or fiddle around with your "junk" in any manner whatsoever. Each passenger will be asked to step into the booth alongwith all of his or her luggage and carry-on possessions, but will not be asked to remove or open anything, as the door automatically closes behind you.

However, it will instantly detonate any explosive device you may have on your person or in your possessions.

"It'll be a win-win for everyone, and there will no longer have to be any of the crap about racial profiling," says the Director of this project.

"This method will also eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice will be fair and swift," added the Department's legal counsel.

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement comes over the PA system: "Attention, standby passengers. We now have a seat available on Flight number 4665 to Washington, D.C ... Paging maintenance. Shop Vac needed in booth number 4. Pronto."

Sure sounds like a win-win to me !

The Republicans, it is also disclosed, have been apprised of the soon-to-be-implemented scheme and have thrown their whole-hearted support behind it.

Especially after Sarah Palin said on Fox News: "Whaddaya know! Since it's been developed by our allies in India, we can sit back and not worry because they've promised us 97% accuracy! See! It will save us a lot of money. And, in the long run, it's bound to open up a lot of jobs across the country!"

The Sikh Coalition, a New York based advocacy group, lauds the resulting phasing-out of turban pat-downs, but has asked all Sikh-Americans to skip travel and stay at home for a while.

"Until it is confirmed 100% accurate! That's all."

 

November 26, 2010

Conversation about this article

1: H.S. Vachoa (U.S.A.), December 03, 2010, 9:31 AM.

That's good humour!

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