Faith
My Guru & I:
Never Alone Again
by GURJEET KAUR
This is the tenth in a series of articles in commemoration of the Tercentenary (1708-2008) of the investiture of Guru Granth Sahib as our eternal Guide and Teacher.
I never did quite understand much when I read the Guru Granth Sahib.
Yes, I read it and yes, I enjoyed the melodious sounds of kirtan, but the deeper meaning of what I read and heard evaded me.
Till one day, when my whole world fell apart.
This usually happens when the unexpected occurs. However, my upheaval was one that had resulted from a decision I had made, one that was not well thought out or in any way based on logical reasons. In retrospect, it was purely emotional.
I was 47 years old, had been married for 27 years and had two grown-up sons. I had been very unhappy in my marriage, but because of the values ingrained within me and the cultural pressures around me, thought divorce was not a valid option. Also, having grown up with the idea that an Indian woman's identity is only determined by the man she is married to made it hard for me to imagine having a life independent of this thinking.
But now, with my sons older and having found some level of financial independence, I thought I would take the plunge into that unknown world of divorce.
That's when my world started to fall apart. I never anticipated that life as I knew it would cease to exist and everyone around me would react to my decision in an unexpected way that would crush me emotionally.
My family would disown me and I would be left to battle this situation all on my own.
That is the day I discovered the true strength of the Guru within me. This inner strength that I did not even know I had. The strength that had been quietly building up in me. This strength that gave me a feeling of comfort that my Guru was always going to take care of me.
For the next five years, I would travel along a path that would strengthen my faith and understanding of my Guru, who, before this experience, I could never claim as "mine". I began to understand that what I had read in the Guru Granth was actually a compilation of my fears, my trials and tribulations, my problems ... and ways to overcome them. It seemed, more than ever, that my Guru was talking to me.
Up to this juncture in my life, by all outward appearances, I lived a life of normalcy. I grew up in an affluent Sikh household, went to boarding school, then college and then got married to a physician. The two of us headed out to the U.S.A. to make a life for ourselves. In retrospect, that was the worst decision we made.
Soon after we came here, I found out that he was a drug addict and addicted to Demerol. When the chief of surgery called me in to tell me about this, I very innocently asked him what Demerol was. Having lived a much-protected life, I was never exposed to any thing remotely resembling this.
Did I mention I was all of twenty years old at this time? For the next five years, we travelled to various cities, different hospitals ... all of which ended in disaster. To make a long story short, he finally went into rehab and quit taking drugs.
And then became an alcoholic. After 27 years of battling many traumatic situations and being on this emotional rollercoaster, I decided I wanted a better life.
My sons, both of whom were born here, agreed and encouraged me to go forward with my decision, saying, "Mom, this is America ... you have the right to a second chance at happiness."
But my true awareness of the strength of the Guru began then.
Finding myself alone, I turned to reading the Guru Granth and listening to kirtan. I began to understand it and almost could see a parallel in many difficult situations between my life and what I read in the baani.
It was almost like the Guru was talking directly to me. Every time I encountered another difficult situation (and there were many of them), I found myself not being afraid and always having this almost strange feeling of comfort. Everything was going to be all right.
And now, six years after I left, I feel I have found my path. I am content and happy and have learnt the true meaning of what life is. When I sometimes meet my friends from my old life and listen to them talking about their mundane existence, I sit back and think: I, too, was like them at one time.
Though I don't wish what I went through on anyone, I don't think that without it, I would have become this deeply spiritual person that I am today, nor would I have ever realized what is truly important in life.
I write this article in the hope of letting women who are in similar situations like myself know: don't despair, reach deep inside you, and look for the Guru's strength and listen to that voice.
It will guide you in making the decisions that will lead you to a better tomorrow.
December 9, 2008
Conversation about this article
1: Tejwant (U.S.A.), December 09, 2008, 11:49 AM.
Guru Granth shows us different ways to climb the mountain ranges of our lives. Your commitment as a wife to your husband did not make you cultivate the godly relationship of the two hummingbirds waiting to share the first drop of monsoon rain between themselves but sadly a path of obligatorial purgatory for 27 years. Eventually, you found yourself by using Guru Granth as your GPS. And the journey continues. Savour it as much as you can.
2: Parveen Kaur Dhatt (Brampton, Canada), December 09, 2008, 5:39 PM.
I make a point of visiting this website everyday and was just about to overlook this article without having read it. I am so glad I did. Gurjeet Kaur ji, you have helped to liberate so many women by writing this piece. It is profoundly clear that true spirituality is found when one learns to mute the disapproving voices around them and listen to the eternal voice that reasonates within. This is extremely difficult to do especially when cultural norms are so deeply entrenched and the odds stacked against anyone who chooses to defy them.
3: Gurmeet Kaur (Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A.), December 10, 2008, 10:53 AM.
It takes courage to share one's personal story, especially when it defies the norms and measures short of the ideals society has superficially imposed upon us. By this beautiful writing, you have not only acknowledged the spiritual person in you, you have encouraged others to make their own connection, no matter what their family, social or marital status. Thank you.
4: Ramneek Gadhok (Mississauga, Canada), January 11, 2009, 10:08 PM.
It's my first time on this site and I'm so glad I came accross this article today. I can relate to your story. I'm going through a divorce myself and have a 2yr. old with me. And I very much want to connect with my inner spirit using Guru Sahib as my guidance. You've definitely encouraged me to take the spiritual path. It's the only way out to a peaceful, healthy and happy life. I know for sure I would have never taken this route to solve our problems but am very glad that he did. Since the pain I'm feeling now will only make me stronger as an individual and allow me to connect with Waheguruji.
5: Teghpal Singh (Baltimore, U.S.A.), February 27, 2009, 5:22 PM.
This is my first time on the site. I happen to be the younger son of Mrs. Gurjeet Kaur. I believe that my mom is only giving you half the story. There is SO MUCH more emotional distress she experienced, but she worked, she owned 2 toy stores. As she states in this article, many Indian women identify themselves through their husband. Not my mom. She has worked every single day of her life, while I saw other moms just sitting around. When she came home, it was hell. My father is a horrible alcoholic. Look at what my mom had to deal with. A normal work life, 2 kids, and an abusive/alcoholic husband. However, she took every second to not only provide love and support to her kids, but she went WITHOUT so we could have. For all of these reasons: for my mom's strength that she found through faith, and for my mom's resilience not to let herself be unhappy, and for her ability to always put her kids before herself, she has been and always will be my hero.
6: M.K.S. (Washington DC, U.S.A.), May 06, 2009, 2:02 PM.
You are powerful, you are amazing and you are an example for all young Sikh women. Your story is so familiar, all too familiar. Thank you for taking care of yourself, thank you for telling your story and thank you for sharing with us. What a beautiful and thoughtful site for everyone to have a forum and a voice and a story.
7: Riya (New Delhi, India), May 18, 2009, 3:03 PM.
It was very nice to read the way you have beautifully expressed your feelings. You have empowered the thoughts of females all over and you have cemented my belief in the Guru. Your story tells us to be independent and live our live to the fullest. Though I'm a 14-yr old girl, but still I understand and appreciate your feelings. Thank you.
8: Gurpreet Kaur (Portland Oregon, U.S.A.), August 25, 2010, 11:36 PM.
I found your story very touching! My mom went through a similar hell in India and found the courage to break free only because of her faith. She has always been a devout Sikh all her life and she inspired us by doing rather than saying. Gurbani is the source of the spiritual light in our lives; I'm trying to pass on to my kids what my mother passed on to us. I pray that the Guru may always keep you in his sanctuary. GurFateh!