Above and Home Page images: Jacob wrestling the Angel. Below - details from a copy of "The Wrestlers", 1st Century B.C., Uffizi Gallery, Florence, Italy.
Faith
My Guru & I, the Wrestler
by GURPAL SINGH BHULLER
This is the ninth in a series of articles we have asked a wide variety of personages to pen in commemoration of the Tercentenary (1708-2008) of the investiture of Guru Granth Sahib as our eternal Guide and Teacher.
My relationship with my Guru is an uneasy one. It has been evolving for the past fifty years.
Sikhi has been a part of my life since childhood. I was born and brought up in Malaysia, where we had a Giani ji who was passionate about teaching. He managed to collar me and the whole bunch of my unruly (and I use the word kindly) friends, and taught us the Japji and Rehraas, as well as Sikh history. He even succeeded in imparting a little discipline in some of our young lives.
There was scant explanation of Sikh precepts offered in those days, though, and as we eventually drifted off to various corners of the globe, some of us submerged those teachings in the new worlds that we were exploring.
I was lucky. My journey to the U.S., via India and New Zealand, somehow kept me in contact with Sikhs in far-flung places.
In the West, explanations are constantly needed, but family priorities and the need to succeed pushed my personal development into the background. It is hard work to establish oneself as a person in one's own right and I can see how some of us veer off the path. Some friends have married outside the faith, some have fallen to alcohol as a crutch, others have been killed, and at least one has become bankrupt. (One has managed to become CEO of a huge company, however.)
My good fortune was that the Sikhs I met mentored and supported me. And slowly, I found my way back to the Guru.
And what a change!
I now consider the Guru to be my teacher and guide. As I have begun to explore Sikhi more extensively, the mysticism of the Gurus and the Bhagats startles me. Their profound knowledge of the metaphysical and the ways in which they astutely connect it to contemporary life are astounding.
The charming analogies that Guru Nanak uses from the rural lifestyle to illustrate his shabads are beautifully woven into exquisite poetry. Unfortunately, having been born outside India, some nuances of the language escape me, although I find Darpan (by Sahib Singh) and the dictionary by Dr. Gurcharan Singh to be a huge help.
But the uneasy part is the inadequacy that I feel.
I do not yet have the discipline to take Amrit. I have difficulty in organizing my life on a daily regime and consider myself as somewhat of a free spirit. How do I work to confront the "five passions" which still control my life? How can I do so and still be "in the mainstream"? Will this belittle me before the Lord?
My conscience pricks me, although I often blithely ignore it. The Guru is forgiving, I know, but surely there are limits. Where and when will I change? Or is that just a function of aging?
As I get older and the highs and lows of life seem to flatten out, I find that the peace that comes from reading the Guru's Word and internalizing the message is the key. The pangs still prick me, but, in a positive light, they also serve to push me onto the path, the marg that I should be on. More and more, I feel that I need the anksh (the goad used by trainers to control an unruly animal) of the Guru to prod my errant mind onto the right way.
But sometimes, quite frankly, I resent that, since I still yearn to travel on "my" path of liberty and the pursuit of so-called "happiness".
Thus, the great "wrestling match" in my mind!
Guru Arjan recognised this when he said, "Hou gosain da pehlwanrha,.........dou baitha vekhai aap jio" (GGS: p. 74 - I am a wrestler going forth to wrestle while He watches).
It's a beautiful illustration of the personal struggle many of us (including myself, surely) contend with - between gurmat and manmat, between charity and profligacy, between humility and the need to be acknowledged, between right and wrong. In this shabad, the wrestler does this in an open forum while everyone watches - a parallel of our life in this world.
But my wrestling match is still in progress and I am uneasy.
Who is on my team? Who else is watching? Am I winning? Is the Guru on my side? Sometimes I feel that the Guru is giving me the help I need, but I am not there yet.
It's gonna be a long match!
[Dr. Gurpal Singh Bhuller is also the author of The Enquiring Guru ... its review by Manjyot Kaur can be found at http://sikhchic.com/article-detail.php?id=489&cat=11 .]
October 25, 2008
Conversation about this article
1: Pritam Singh Grewal (Canada), October 26, 2008, 4:58 AM.
Guru Arjan's Shabad 'Haun gossain da pehlwanrha ...' vividly depicts the world as a wrestling arena where the Sikh, the Guru's novice wrestler, wins the bout against five opponents under Guru's patronage. He/she is then awarded the symbolic plume of distinct victory by the Guru. Yes, the Guru's followers take on the tough challenge of fighting the five mighty opponents under his guidance.
2: I.J. Singh (New York, U.S.A.), October 26, 2008, 5:41 AM.
I am touched, even overawed, by the heart-rending and heart-warming simplicity and humility of Gurpal Singh Bhuller's connection and commitment to Sikhism. As it should be, the emphasis is on the path in a trail in which the journey remains the destination, and the struggles with the self shape and define us. Wonderful!
3: Manjit S. Dhillon (Chester, Virginia, U.S.A.), October 26, 2008, 8:28 PM.
Very thought-provoking article. I am a novice in this path but the emphasis on the journey and using the priniciples of Sikhi make this worldly journey a very tough path. The conflict within is there everyday but may be recognizing it is the first step. You are well ahead in that aspect of life. Wish you happy travels.
4: Jazwinder (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), October 26, 2008, 11:56 PM.
Two things are proven here: first, that children who are exposed to Sikh techings at an early age, however superficial the exposure may be, will most probably revert to the path of Sikhi and find the right and happy way sometime during their life's twists and turns. Secondly, the gem that is Sikhi ... if ever lost, misplaced or put away ... will always be found and treasured again, even if it is a generation later.
5: Gurvendra Singh Suri (Dallas, Texas, U.S.A.), October 27, 2008, 8:47 AM.
So beautifully written ..! It depicts the state of many Sikhs including mine - The constant struggle of mind and awareness. On a Sikhi staircase, as long as we are moving up, step by step - that is progress. Thank you, Dr. Gurpal Singh ji, for sharing your thoughts on this topic - simple, humble, alerting and beautiful.
6: Angad (Washington D.C., U.S.A.), October 30, 2008, 10:54 PM.
An amazing article and really well written. Your inner conflict driven by both internal and external factors is really well captured in this article. I reread it a few times and have learnt a lot about what makes you "tick". Thanks for writing this.
7: Jasdeep Kalra (India), November 04, 2008, 2:29 AM.
Very well written. Our life is full of conflicts, most of them created by our own doings. Most of us are still groping in the dark. Religion and the teachings of the gurus/saints come in handy at such a time but only for the few who have the foresight to look for it ... the battle goes on for most of us.
8: Chintan Singh (San Jose, California, U.S.A.), November 06, 2008, 4:39 PM.
Dr. Bhuller has the amazing ability to convey profound things in a simple and straight-forward manner. It somewhat felt like my own situation but of course I am much behind in this journey. There are days (although few) when the Guru's words vibrate in my mind all day or a shabad from the morning keeps coming back in my thoughts and there are days when even in the presence of the Guru while reading his bani, I am lost in my so-called path to liberty. This article made me realize that this is an ongoing battle that every Sikh fights and continues to plead to the Guru to hold our feet to the ground. After all, I am not so alone in this journey.
9: Dr.Jasbir Singh Chugh (Ludhiana, Punjab), April 10, 2010, 7:46 AM.
I know Gurpal since the time we were together as class mates in the M.B.B.S. batch of 1968, at C.M.C., Ludhiana. I recollect him as one of the most brilliant students of our class, a very calm and God-fearing person. He used to listen to gurbani shabads on his tape recorder in the Ross Hostel. It is nice to know that he continues to be a devoted Sikh and a famous Orthopod of Virginia. My best wishes to Gurpal and his wife, Neena, and lots of love to their kids.