People
My Own Private
Six Feet Under
JASPREET KAUR
As I walk into an empty funeral home after hours and search for my brother, I try not to focus on the presence of bodies in the back room.
Is this the beginning of an 80’s horror film? Or a new season of TV's "Six Feet Under"?
Nope.
Just another Wednesday night as I pick my brother up from our family business.
When my dad first told me he was going to be a partner in a funeral home and cremation center, I clearly thought he had lost his senses. As I watched him pour his heart and soul into the project in the years to come, I remained troubled by the idea.
The process of dealing with banks, the city, contractors, designers and customers was taking years off his already well-lived life. I didn’t understand my dad’s need to engage in this business at this point of his journey, but he understood something I didn’t; the community needed this project.
For the first time, Brampton Crematorium and Visitation Centre (BCVC) provides visitation, reception and cremation services all in one location. This alone was something the burgeoning Sikh and South Asian community in the Greater Toronto Area was in dire need of.
There are an estimated half-a-million Sikh-Canadians -- a total of a million South Asians -- in the area who are around today and will ultimately be needing such a facility which provides them services within their own cultural and religious traditions.
On top of that the partners have gone above and beyond to create a multi-faith space with everything from private rooms for clergy to kitchens and lounges. The result is a 26,000 square foot building that caters to multiple faith-based and cultural traditions.
What I wasn’t expecting was what the funeral home would do for my own family.
Being the first Sikh family in Ontario, Canada, in the funeral home business, we didn’t exactly have other Sikhs to turn to for guidance.
We have always been blessed in that Sikhi is a big part of our lives. I have always been taught to turn to the divine revelations of Guru Granth Sahib to provide a framework for all aspects of life.
Despite this, like many others, I too easily fell into the comforting trap of forgetting my own mortality. Having death removed from the inner spheres of my life and hidden securely in hospitals, nursing homes and funeral homes, made it easy to live with the illusion that I would live forever.
The funeral home has helped ground me in my own temporal existence.
Guru Sahib constantly reminds us, sometimes in gentle ways and sometimes in more direct, that we are deluded by the temporary colors of this world and forget one of the biggest truths, that we too will leave. This urgency provides the motivation and one-minded consciousness required to merge with the divine.
I can honestly say there is more focus, remembrance and humility at the funeral home than at most Sikh ceremonies. There is no room for illusions as you engage with one of the only truths of this world.
This is the biggest gift our new family business has brought to us as a family … a fundamental shift in consciousness.
It has changed our world view. And our dinner conversations. We now have a deeper appreciation for the message of Sikhi and, I must confess, a new, often morbid sense of humour to boot.
Despite this, and the endless references to ‘Six Feet Under‘, I can honestly say there are no regrets.
We are incredibly blessed to be a part of this business and to have been given the opportunity to serve the community.
August 31, 2013
Conversation about this article
1: Sandeep Singh Brar (Canada), August 31, 2013, 4:05 PM.
It's nice to see Sikhs branching out into diverse non-traditional businesses. The Sikh community is growing and we have many needs, including funeral services. I dealt with your Dad and your brother when my Nana ji, S. Sampuran Singh Gill passed away in December at the ripe old age of 98. He was the head of our family and this was the first death in our family in a very long time. All I can say is that this is a classy operation through and through -- from the facilities, to how we were treated during this most stressful time. It was a matter of pride for me to see a Sikh-run business of this kind, with people who completely understand the needs of the community and have a thorough understanding and sensitivity regarding Sikh funeral rites. The facilities were immaculate and very classy -- this is not a typical desi business with cheesy or tacky decor. Being able to have the viewing, reception and cremation all in one building was less stressful for our whole family and guests. We wanted to immerse my grandfather's ashes in a fast-flowing river (Canada was his home, why would we want to scatter his ashes half way around the world?). Anyway, your Dad went out of his way -- he studied Google maps, and scouted out a lovely and peaceful location to scatter my grandfather's ashes in a large and fast flowing river, he even went there to scout it out. Not only that, but he even went out of his way to take us there and say farewell to my grandfather. It was such a beautiful and tranquil spot, I could not have picked a better location. I will forever be grateful to your Dad for helping our family in such a stressful time and giving my grandfather the best farewell possible.
2: Gurmeet Kaur (Atlanta, Georgia, USA), August 31, 2013, 10:23 PM.
Loved reading this. A big thanks to Jaspreet's Dad for his vision, efforts and care for the community.