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How Dare You Villify Her Who Begets Kings?

SARBPREET SINGH

 

 

 

As the father of a young woman, I cringe as I read Michaela Cross’s personal account of her time studying in India.

This bright young American woman, someone’s beloved daughter, was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ("PTSD") when she returned, her condition brought on by the merciless and unrelenting sexual harassment that she suffered at the hands of utter strangers during her time in India.

Her bout with PTSD was severe enough to warrant taking time off from her routine at the University of Chicago to heal, following a breakdown.

Of woman you are born; in woman you are formed; woman you seek as your mate.
Through woman are your relationships formed; through woman is the world propagated.
Upon losing her, you seek another; for through her are all your human bonds forged.
How dare you vilify her then? She, who begets kings!

To woman is linked the miracle of creation; none comes into being in any other way.
The Lord, alone, is the one exception.

Powerful words! Written by a gentle prophet five hundred years ago, as he beheld the horrendous manner in which the world around him treated women.

I wonder what Guru Nanak would have to say if he were to learn that his vision of gender equality is far from being realized in our modern world today.

Michaela’s account is chilling and very hard to read. But read it we must because of the important questions it raises, particularly for Sikhs. For as the followers of the same Guru Nanak who uttered these powerful words laced with compassion, are we not supposed to know better?

Before we succumb to the temptation of dubbing this an ‘Indian’ problem by invoking the recently reported public assaults on women in India, let us reflect and introspect a bit.

A stark statistic, reported in a recent article in the Times Of India, drawing upon fresh census data, tells a very sordid story:

Continuing with its dubious distinction of killing its daughters, Punjab made it to the bottom five states in the country in the child sex ratio (0-6 years) at 895. The only solace that the state can derive is from the fact that Haryana is at the rock bottom with 879 girls for every 1,000 boys, followed by Jammu and Kashmir at 889. Other states in the list are Uttar Pradesh (912) and Bihar (912).”

More than two decades ago, I remember reading a book called “May You Be The Mother Of a Hundred Sons” by Elisabeth Bumiller, written during several years she spent in India.

Bumiller’s book documents the extent to which sons are valued over daughters in Indian culture, behavior shaped by centuries of social conditioning as well as more current economic imperatives. In her own words:

Female children are so undervalued in India that birth of a baby girl is often acknowledged in low-voiced shame. Or prevented. There are instances of female infanticide among very poor families. And among the affluent, there is a growing trend to abort female fetuses.”

Bumiller’s book is as relevant and valuable today as it was twenty years ago.

The treatment that Michaela received during her study as a visiting student in India is emblematic of this culture in which women are undervalued and are expected to be subservient to men in every way.

In today’s modern world, it is absolutely shocking to even comprehend a crime as horrible as female infanticide. Yet, aided by technology, this unimaginable practice of murdering unwanted female children, exists in a new avatar. Despite laws banning the use of abortion for sex selection, the practice continues unabated as unscrupulous doctors and clinics openly offer those willing to pay a way to destroy their daughters, with no consequences.

And is it not a travesty that in the land of Guru Nanak, this barbaric practice which is explicitly forbidden in the Sikh Code of Conduct, The Rehat Maryada, is so rampant that it has actually skewed child gender ratios?

Depressing stories like this one raise deep and difficult existential questions for modern Sikhs. We cannot and must not seek relief in the fiction that this is a problem that afflicts some vaguely distant ‘lower’ or ‘uneducated’ class.

Is it not incumbent upon Sikhs to clearly and unequivocally take a stance that ‘she who begets kings’ must not be vilified? Guru Nanak was no shy and retiring mystic who mouthed pretty platitudes to be used as emotional pick-me-ups in times of need!

He was a revolutionary.

Seeking social justice and real reform.

Each of us Sikhs should be profoundly disturbed by the fact that our own house is not in order, where gender equality is concerned. We often adopt double standards when it comes to our daughters and our sons. We want our sons to soar while we try to clip our daughters’ wings, often prompted by our cultural baggage.

The social ills that Bumiller documents, the demands of large sums of money in ‘dowry’, the harassment of daughters in law, the stigmatizing of women who haven’t borne sons; all of these are alive and well in our community if we just bother to look around.

Millions of Sikhs live in the country where thousands of Michaelas are objectified and harassed every day. Is it not incumbent on us to unequivocally declare that we will not stand for it?

In the eighteenth century, when the hordes of Ahmad Shah Abdali of Afghanistan would descend on the northern plains of India to pillage and loot, was it not the Sikhs who confronted him, rescued the thousands of young women being carried way as prizes, and conveyed them safely back to their homes?

How is it any different today if a young woman is being molested in the streets of Delhi or Chandigarh or Mumbai? Who absolved us of the responsibility to do something to prevent it?

I have a thesis. The Sikhs of the 18th century actually listened to the words of Guru Nanak.

Today, we need to start listening too.

The story of Michaela’s terrible ordeal can be read here; be warned that it is not for the faint of heart: Please CLICK here.

 

August 26, 2013

Conversation about this article

1: Harmeet Singh (Chicago, Illinois, USA), August 26, 2013, 8:43 PM.

Unfortunately, we haven't yet explored the roots of sexual violence against women in India. Sexual harassment of women is religiously condoned in Hindu scriptures, even encouraged. In fact, Hindus are required to worship the male penis, the Linga, as an organ of domination.

2: Amarjit Singh Duggal (Atlanta, Georgia, USA), August 26, 2013, 11:53 PM.

Michaela's terrible story shook us all. India's collective head is down with shame. All of us feel her pain. All of Sarbpreet's are valid, but I think we have to differentiate between this crime and female infanticide. The two are different types of crimes and have different reasons for the crime to be committed. One is a social ill and the other is a pure criminal act. I am often traveling to India and I see a different India from the one we were born and brought up in three decades ago. I see woman openly kissing her young boy friend and discussing safe sex. Many families are now prepared to let their daughters marry whosoever she chooses. There is no time to discuss all that was a taboo in our times. Women are much more free than even two decades ago. Fast food, fast money, and a one-night-stand type society is about to emerge. Trying to become a super power, India is losing her culture and environment. And there is no stopping it. The reason is simple: women within that society are part and parcel of this change and in fact are enhancing this change as things are being accepted as new norms. So, who can you really blame: No one. Decay in moral values is part of this new exposure. We need to address issues in its entirety and see the bigger picture.

3: Dilpreet Kaur (New Delhi, India), August 27, 2013, 5:09 AM.

What is the citation of the shabad you have quoted, please?

4: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), August 27, 2013, 8:24 AM.

In our own household, we put ourselves squarely in the Sikh camp and not only strive for complete equality between man and woman, but we put the female FIRST!

5: Darshan (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), August 27, 2013, 10:26 AM.

#3: The shabad is from 'Asa ki Vaar' -- GGS:473.

6: Raj (Canada), August 27, 2013, 10:27 AM.

Dilpreet ji: The shabad quoted here is in "Asa ki Var": "bhand jami-ay ...".

7: Manmeet Bhinder (Marlborough, Alberta, Canada), August 27, 2013, 10:44 AM.

@Dilpreet: The shabad is from Asa ki Vaar- "so kyo(n) mandaa aakhiye jit jammey rajaan". The land of pirs and Gurus is now the land of the Sexual Assaulter. Back in the 18th century, Ahmed Shah Abdali invaded the subcontinent and left the footprints in India of molesting women. The saddest part is that some so-called followers of Guru Nanak are also becoming condoners and apologists, if not actual participants, in these hideous crimes.

8: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), August 27, 2013, 2:12 PM.

@Commentator #7: These are no followers of Guru Nanak ... any one who lays even a finger on a female in a dark or devious way!

9: Rup Singh (Canada), August 27, 2013, 4:43 PM.

Michaela's story is indeed tragic. I hope she can emotionally heal enough to have some normalcy in her life. I agree totally with commentator #1. Lines from Tulsi's Ramayana: "Dhola gawanra sudra pasu naari, sakala taadan ke adhikari" - A drum, a rustic, a sudra (low caste), a beast and a woman - all these deserve to be beaten to be kept under control. Manu, the primary Hindu law-giver who had enshrined woman as a goddess says that a woman does not deserve freedom; she will have to be protected by father, husband and son. There are many more examples of how and why women should be controlled in the Hindu 'Manusimrti.' Words like 'kanyadaan' are used for daughters, basically meaning a donation of a girl to the groom, and this donation somehow wipes the sins of the bride's parents. 'Praiaa dhan', someone else's fortune: When girls and women are culturally considered commodities that can be gifted and bought and sold (to this day), then we can begin to understand why women are treated the way they are in India. Hindu women were expected to even burn themselves alive on their husbands pyre, if they did not they could not remarry and were basically made social outcasts and could only wear simple white clothing. This practice, though nominally outlawed, is still practiced somewhat secretly in many Hindu communities in India today. Why weren't men made to burn on their wives' pyres? Watch the movie "Water" to find out how widows were treated and used by the so called upper classes. The City of Abbotsford in British Columbia, Canada, has a large population from the South Asian subcontinent. In a study done in 2012 of children aged 15 and under , there were 121 boys for 100 girls, percentage seems even worse than Punjab. So the barbaric practice of female foeticide is going on in even western countries. Gurbani enlightens, teaches us how to become good humans, how to avoid social ills and become one with the One. But the tragedy is that a vast majority ... 'Guru nu munn de han par Guru di nahi munn de!'

10: Rosalia (Baltimore, Maryland, USA), August 28, 2013, 9:21 AM.

First I agree with many of the author's thoughts on the way girls and women are undervalued. But as frightening and scary as Michaela's story is, there is an aspect of this story on which no one is commenting. When I read the part when she was in a fetal position inside her lovely Goan hotel, frightened by the would-be rapist knocking on her door, it struck me that she easily abdicated her power and maybe that's because of her youth or her lack of information about how to defend herself. Rape is a crime of power and control. Invariably, people who think they can exercise power and control over others, continue their assaults, but the moment when someone stands up for themselves, the assailants back off, as most cowards do. As difficult as her ordeal was, she played a role in it by abdicating her power, by showing her fear. I asked the 20-something women in my family what they would have done in a similar situation. All of them described how they would defend themselves. None of them said they would be so frightened they would fold. I believe these young women would have defended themselves because they have already proven their metal. In a hotel, instead of cowering, she can call the front desk and ask for help, threaten the guy's job. Make a lot of noise! Noise scares attackers away because it calls attention to the deed in progress. She can fashion a weapon out of a wire hanger, a broken glass, the high heel of a shoe, a pencil. A pencil can stab an attacker in a variety of vulnerable places. Instead of being folded in a fetal position in her hotel room, afraid for her life, she could have chosen to demonstrate a show of strength. People who refuse to abdicate their power do not become easy targets. Also, there is something called R.A.D training that all women should take and fathers of daughters should insist they take. http://www.rad-systems.com/ Not saying Michaela is to blame for what happened to her. I am saying that her reaction to events perhaps could have been different, more proactive about her safety in a different country, affecting different outcomes.

11: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), August 28, 2013, 10:16 PM.

Ms Scalia, commentator #10 has mentioned something very important about basic self defence. In Sikhism the very act of carrying a kirpan on the person symbolizes the importance of each person, man and woman, to be prepared to defend oneself at all times.

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