People

On This Valentine's Day ...

AMRITA KAUR SINGH

It’s Valentine’s Day again.

This year, the season that celebrates loving relationships also marks the first anniversary of the death of Maa ji, my paternal grandmother.

There are some relationships in life that are never-ending. These relationships that do not have an expiry date and surpass a lifetime are the same relationships that shape one’s character.

The relationship that I have held most closely to my heart throughout my life was the one I shared with Maa ji.

She was much more than just a grandma -- she was a friend, a role model, an inspiration and the closest person to me.

Her death strongly impacted me. Having to transition from living with her every day to not having her there at all has been extremely difficult.

I personally am not able to adapt to changes very easily. Often, I find it even more difficult to reminisce about the times when she was here. However, it is those memories that allow me to take what I have learned from my grandma and continue to apply it to my life.

I have lived with my grandma my entire life and my relationship with her has changed as the years progressed and as I have matured.

A few years before I was born, my grandfather passed away and my grandma had become very sad and lonely. My parents would tell me that my birth was something that brought back the happiness that she had lost when my grandfather passed away.

Many of my childhood memories with Maaji have been retold through pictures I have seen or stories that I have heard. We had an immediate connection from the day I was born and my grandma was always there to take care of me from the beginning. She played a vital role in my upbringing, which greatly influenced my character.

As I matured, my relationship with my grandma began to strengthen and develop as I was able to communicate with her on a more pronounced level; the more I matured, the easier it became to relate through meaningful topics.

One major impact Maa ji had on me was on my spiritual values. It was through her that I was able to understand Sikh principles and teachings. When I was able to understand the meaning behind prayers, I received a different outlook on the world surrounding me. This helped mould me into becoming a better person, because I was able to embody the meaning behind The Golden Rule of Sikhi: “No one is my enemy, no one a stranger … everyone is my friend” [Guru Arjun].

As I reached adolescence, I began to gain other interests outside of my family which resulted in my spending less time with my grandma. At this point, I started taking her presence in my life for granted.

Between 2004-2008, my grandma had multiple heart attacks and was diagnosed with cancer. It was then that I realized the full magnitude of the role that she played in my life. The time during which my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, my family went through a difficult period.

To have to witness my grandma face this struggle every day was something that I could not bear.

This was a time where I felt that I could, for once in my life, help my grandmother and repay her for everything she has done for me. I sincerely began to appreciate my grandma and found it extremely difficult to imagine life without her. I was at an age when I understood that it is important to cherish the time you have with someone. From then on, I started to spend a lot more time with her.

Some of my most recent and favourite memories with my grandma were times when we would simply talk about anything and everything. She had wisdom and had experienced so much in her life that at times I would wish that she could share her whole life story with me. There were lessons that I learned from her during those times that no one else would have ever been capable of teaching me.

I learned the key to living a respectful, honest, happy and successful life. The most important lesson I took away was that without overcoming the past, one will never be able to move into the future.

It was that principle that guided me through the grief I felt once she passed. At first, I had a very difficult time accepting the fact; I would constantly wake up and enter her room hoping to find her sitting there like she always had been. As time progressed, I came to terms with her death and I realized that my grandma would always be with me, regardless of she was physically there or not.

The removal of a person from one’s life does not remove their love and teachings, their thoughts, and most importantly, the memories they instil in us.

After I was able to realize this I was able to continue living by my grandma’s lessons.

Even today, I still think about her and how she would advise me to handle challenging situations I have to experience.

I think one reason that I was able to move forward in life was because I was able to find someone who is similar to my grandma -- my mother.

My mother lost her mother at a young age and, after marriage, she always looked at my grandma as her mother. After my grandma passed away, I began to spend more time with my mother. I realized that there were many similarities
between the two of them.

They both have the same style of upbringing, teaching, and expressing their love. I can see that in many ways, my mother behaves with my siblings and I similar to the way my grandma used to behave with us.

I feel extremely lucky to have had such an amazing grandma who had such a strong impact in my life; and to be able to find my grandmother in someone else who is so close to me who carries Maa ji’s legacy as I grow to become a mature
woman.


[The author is 19 years old and a first year biomedical sciences student at the  University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada. She is passionate about sports, music, her family, and Sikh religion and culture. Her grandmother, Sardarni Harbhajan Kaur -- wife of the late Sardar Phulel Singh -- passed away on February 15, 2012.]

February 13, 2013

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