People
Arvind Kaur & The Kaur Sisters
INTER-FAITH CENTER OF NEW YORK
Arvind Kaur lost her sister to domestic violence, but despite her training in psychology, she had not come to terms with the tragedy.
Arvind described her sister as a pretty, thoughtful PhD in cancer research with a zeal for life, who was always head of her class and excelled in everything she did. She was married to a Hindu and had adopted all Hindu rituals despite having been born a Sikh. This was her love for him. “He is God to me” is what she would always say.
The death of Arvind’s sister was a big blow for the family but Arvind wanted to move on as she herself had just married days before. For years she kept pushing the thought aside, though it would haunt her repeatedly. She always wanted to do something about domestic violence and just did not know how.
Through grants funded by ML Resources – Social Visions and Barbara Slifka Fund, all that changed when Arvind worked with staff at ICNY and CONNECTFaith to start an interfaith group for women who had survived domestic violence, were currently suffering from it, or simply wanted to help.
“I came to understand that passion wasn’t enough,” reflected Arvind, “I also needed training and support. Now I feel the group is doable.”
In the first meeting of Arvind’s Sikh Domestic Violence ("DV") group, she witnessed the power of simply being together with the other women.
Although nothing overtly “happened,” the demeanor, tone, and expressions of the group members told her that this was going to work. She wondered whether it was what she was observing or whether it was that she was healing. Maybe it was both.
For the first few sessions Arvind kept busy with the logistics; but eventually she just let it be. Because the group sat together, sharing and talking, things came up naturally. One woman would accept what she was going through, and another made sense out of it.
Recently Arvind named her group The Kaur Sisters to raise the spirit of the members.
The word “Kaur” -- the last name of every Sikh woman, given to her to give her an independent identity -- means princess and no woman, she believes, is less than a princess.
Arvind says, “I am coming to terms with what happened in my family and feel peaceful to be attending to what my soul needs to do. My sister didn’t deserve what happened to her. She didn’t deserve to suffer. Now I feel, if she was anywhere, watching me, she would be happier.”
January 5, 2012
Conversation about this article
1: Kiran (Brampton, Ontario, Canada), January 05, 2013, 3:28 PM.
Good work you are doing! Any way I can help ... will do my best.
2: Sangat Singh (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia), January 05, 2013, 6:44 PM.
Would you believe that in this day and age the UAE Supreme Court has ruled that a man has the right to physically discipline his wife and children as long as he doesn't leave physical marks. Arvind ji, you have undertaken a most difficult crusade. To be effective, firstly this has to be brought into public view and not treated merely as a private family matter. The next step is a combined effort between law enforcement, social services and health care. May Waheguru give you chardi kalaa and strength to fight this battle.
3: Baldev Singh (Bradford, United Kingdom), January 05, 2013, 9:00 PM.
This article is extremely important and timely for every single true Sikh female and male.
4: Jagdeep (Punjab), January 06, 2013, 2:13 PM.
Good work ... But I think that the name of your group will keep out women from other communities. I am not saying that it is your intention or that you will not help them, but they will not come forward by thinking that it is somehow related only to Sikhs. You may want to advertise and clarify this.
5: Manbir Singh (Bakersfield, California, USA), August 21, 2013, 3:00 AM.
Arvind Kaur ji - Sorry to hear the tragic history pertaining to your sister. Your passion, education and continuing zeal to serve victims of domestic violence is going to ease you and benefit others. May Waheguru bless you with happiness and rewards.