People

Friends Out Of Thin Air

by HARDEV SINGH BHAMRA

Everyone is busy.

The pace of life in the last decade has become so much faster and we want to extract information so quickly that it’s become difficult to grow into something or someone.

Every man, woman and child on this planet wants clarity and they want it now.

What do they want to clarity on? They want to know whether you will have a meeting of minds with them; be their friend, business partner or something more.

So how do you give someone an initial inkling? How do you leave that tiny imprint on them which means they want to continue talking or meet you again?

Well, it goes without saying that you should be yourself because otherwise you will not have a meeting of minds with anyone as there is a disconnect between who you are and what you are portraying yourself as. You may believe you can pull it off but, quite simply, you can’t.

With life experience, a lie becomes apparent the moment it is uttered. People notice the little things that give you away - the shuffle, the eyes looking away, the voice trailing off, the fidget - it all adds up to show you’ve lost your self-belief and don’t believe what you are saying.

So why should the person you are talking to continue dialogue with you?

You should realise your past and draw strength, inspiration and confidence from it. You may think you are X years old and that’s your history, but often when looking deeper into your past you realise much more about yourself than you could imagine.

As a Sikh, it has only recently dawned on me that my image is that of the Guru I revere and refer to as the King of Kings - Guru Gobind Singh. That made me sit up.

Now I’m not saying I look exactly the same as the Guru, but I am saying that the decree to wear a turban came from Him and that’s why, more than three centuries later, I am wearing one.

Confidence is one of the most amazing qualities a person can have, it is infectious and, more importantly, it lifts fear. However, misplaced confidence comes across as arrogance and no one likes someone who thinks they are above others.

Your appearance is important. (I’m assuming here that general hygine is taken care of; if you don’t know how to wash yourself
and brush your teeth, you have bigger problems that connecting with others!) This ties to an extent with the above point around boosting your confidence. When you have your favourite clothes on, your best shoes, you’ve done your hair (or tied your (turban!) and dressed your beard the way you think they looks great and you’re walking out of the house and you spot yourself in the mirror….you’ll start your day on a high that will just keep you going.

That confidence just draws people to you. Be timeless in your appearance and avoid fashion for the sake of fashion. Spend a little and make yourself look great, day in day out.

Talk properly. Going back to the top of this article - we’re all busy, but that doesn’t mean you need to butcher language to such an extent that others don’t know what you are saying and you make yourself sound uneducated.

Be polite, be kind and if you’re a male, don’t just be man - be a gentleman. Chilvalry is most definitely not dead, and the quicker you realise that, the more people will want to know you. This doesn’t mean males should only be gentlemanly around women, this means that everyone should conduct themselves in a distinguished way without trying to look ‘cool’, or as though they are too busy (or worse, too important) to talk.

Politeness costs nothing. Kindness and charity may cost you something but hey, you can’t take it with you! Manners also cost you nothing but will open hundreds of doors.

Drop the ego. Not smiling at the stranger in a traffic jam who caught your eye in case they don’t smile back? Not talking to the person next to you on the train as they may blank you? The only thing stopping you is you being worried about the damage to your ego. Your ego will close so many opportunities unless you close it down.

Why wouldn’t the person on the train talk back? He or she may be patiently waiting and hoping for you to say ‘Hi’. Oh, and even if that person doesn’t respond, no worries. That just means you won’t have so many thoughts beginning with the words “I wish I had just….”

Don’t over-prepare, but be aware. Imagine you are travelling to an overseas office on business. Know who you want to meet, what they work on and if you bump into them, get the conversation started the way you want. That is, don’t get into a situation where you say ‘Who are you?’ to the guy at the top.

If you prepare too much, for example if you have an ‘elevator speech’, you’ll just look like someone with either no life or someone who wants something for nothing. That discussion will end pretty quickly.

A show off has either low self esteem and a lack of confidence or is  ‘nouveau riche’. Both of these things are galling to everyone except golddiggers. And as your mother told you, it’s rude to talk about money. So don’t.

Be spontaneous and open. If you get stuck into a routine, how are you ever going to meet new and different people?

Hopefully these ideas are nothing new and some, if not all, will resonate with you. These are only my views and in the interests of us all making new friends, I thought it worth sharing so that maybe someone, somewhere can make a connection with
someone new.

Hardev Singh is a U.K. born and bred Sikh professional working for a U.S. corporation with a strong interest in Sikh History and the Sikh Way of Life.

February 2, 2012

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